


Scared of Love

by hannrose



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Bad Parents, F/M, Mutual Pining, Unrequited Love, au where infinity war never happened, but not really, hurt!michelle, kind of 500 days of summer style except i cant write, michelle jones needs love, peter is kind of a shit, peter is stubborn but so is michelle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-06-16 22:09:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15446928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannrose/pseuds/hannrose
Summary: "why couldn't you just let me love you?""who said i wanted you to?"but really, she did.ORmichelle helps in mending gwen and peter's relationship, while wishing peter still loved her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been in a writing rut for the past year it feels like, so this is basically just me flowing with an idea and hopefully following through on it. if it's a total mess, that's why, but i'm having fun writing it so who really cares? dedicated to piper and liv <3 i hope you guys enjoy!

Peter Parker knows what he is doing.

 

Whenever he holds her hand, or brings her aside before the movie starts to have a somewhat private conversation with her. Peter knows he is making Gwen Stacy feel like the luckiest girl in the world. And he knows what he is doing to Michelle.

 

And honestly, she deserves it. It was her fault. Michelle will never be worthy of Peter, and although she is sitting in his living room right now eating his food acting like everything between them is okay-- it isn’t. It isn’t okay because she still aches for him to kiss her, and she still thinks about how terrible she was, and how him forgiving her somehow made it worse.

 

Peter looks at her differently now. He doesn’t trust her anymore, and the stars that appeared in his eyes are gone now. (Those are reserved for someone else, and she hates that.) Peter even talks to her different, like he has to tiptoe around a verbal mindfield so she won’t blow up at him again.

 

As Ned and Peter talk about how excited they are for senior year, Michelle tries to look at Gwen without making it obvious. She’s holding Peter’s hand, and looking at him like he’s the best person she knows. Michelle wonders if she’s looking at him like that because she knows his secret, or because she likes him more that Michelle thought she did.

 

What would hurt worse? It took four months for Peter to open up to Michelle about being Spider-Man, and he and Gwen have only been dating two months. But Peter and Michelle weren’t official--no one even knew about them, besides Ned, because she thought titles were confining and suffocating-- but she realizes now that it would’ve been different with Peter. She was infatuated with him, even before he told her that he fights crime, so Michelle knows how easy it is to fall for Peter. She just didn’t want it to happen this quickly.

 

Gwen is a nice and pretty girl. So much nicer and prettier than Michelle, with her platinum blonde hair, button nose, and prep-school manners. Michelle tried not to, but she does actually like her. Actually, Gwen has become one of her’s best friends. When she transferred to Midtown last year, Michelle saw Gwen sitting alone during lunch, so she sat down next to her. Quickly, they had inside jokes and spent their weekends together. Gwen was a big part of Michelle’s life when everything went horribly wrong with Peter, and she doesn’t even know about it. When Peter asked Michelle if it was okay for him to ask her out, he also made sure that Gwen didn’t know about their relationship. “I mean, it’s what you wanted,” he had said. And most of the time, Michelle is fine with it. 

 

Other times, like tonight, she is not fine with it. Because tonight, Peter can’t keep his hands off of his girlfriend. If Gwen  _ knew _ , she would be more respectful to Michelle and tell Peter to knock it off. Michelle can’t do it, because that’d look weird. It’s not like his tongue is in her ear-- Peter Parker is still Peter Parker, horny teenage boy or not. Michelle is sure he’s trying to be conscious of everyone else in the room, even when he buries his head in the crook of Gwen’s neck like a lovesick puppy.

 

_ He used to be like that with me. _

 

“MJ? Earth to MJ.” Ned is waving a hand in her face to get her attention. Michelle snaps back to reality and realizing she’s been staring at Gwen this whole time. “You okay?”

 

“Uh,” Michelle notices Gwen readjust herself so her legs are draped over Peter’s lap. She feels like shit. “Totally. Why?”

 

“Because you’re in Wonderland or something,” Gwen giggles. “What are you thinking about?”

 

Peter’s hand is running up and down Gwen’s leg. “Senior year. It’s kinda scary, isn’t it? Nine months and you all might never talk to me again.”

 

“You think so little of us?” Ned says, in a jokingly offended tone. “We’d never let that happen. You’re too important to us.”

 

“I could never live a day without your sarcastic comments, MJ. They’ve become apart of my daily routine,” Gwen isn’t kidding. She actually does love Michelle’s sarcastic remarks, even if they are a bit mean sometimes. “Right, Peter?”

 

“Right. You’re way too important to me, MJ.” Peter holds eye contact with Michelle while a silence lingers around them, a silence Michelle doesn’t even know is real. He said  _ to me _ . ‘You’re way too important to  _ me _ .’ Her heart was beating out of her chest and- “To us,” he corrected himself.

 

Fuck. Nevermind.

 

Twenty minutes later, Peter’s phone starts to ring. He throws his head back in frustration and excuses himself, saying that he’s going to go pick up some pizza. It was his special ringtone. There was a criminal roaming in Queens.

 

Michelle takes Peter’s spot on the couch next to Gwen. “Does it ever get annoying? How much Peter takes off with his lame excuses?”

 

Ned is on his phone, ignoring the girls, and Gwen lays her head on her best friend’s lap. “What do you mean?” Gwen stares up at Michelle, and  _ god _ \-- she was beautiful. No one could deny that.

 

“Like, okay, last week when he was late for your date because there was an issue with his mail. It was  _ Sunday _ .”

 

“Huh. I mean, I guess it doesn’t. Peter’s been threw a lot, and he’s still going through a lot, so it’s gotta be something important. He’ll tell me about it when he wants to, I’m sure.” Gwen is so understanding that it makes Michelle’s blood boil. Not because what Gwen said was annoying, but it made Michelle feel like a real bitch. Whenever Peter would dip out suddenly with a stupid excuse, Michelle would get pissy when he came back and accuse him of things that were very un-Peter Parker like. The only reason he told her was because she was being bitchy again and he finally snapped. 

 

Maybe he never would have told her if she didn't push. Did he even want to tell her when he did? Michelle hates not knowing all the answers to her millions of questions.

 

Michelle is trying to find something to talk about when Gwen asks her the same thing. “Does it bother you?”

 

“Sometimes I just want to hang out with my friend without him having to ‘walk the dog.’” Gwen starts to laugh and Michelle quickly says, “Shit, did that sound sexual? I just meant that he doesn’t have a dog and he literally said that two days ago.”

 

“It’s fine, M. He’s kinda stupid sometimes.” Michelle nods, and Gwen hooks her neckline to bring her down to her ear. “But, I think I love him.”

 

Michelle’s eyes almost pop out of their sockets.

 

___

**one year ago**

 

“I think I’m falling in love with you,” Peter whispered into her ear.

 

He probably thought she was asleep, but how could she fall asleep when his touch felt simply electric against her skin. Michelle’s body was pressed up against Peter’s, and his arms were wrapped around her stomach. Peter kissed Michelle’s cheek and finally relaxed and laid his head down on the pillow.

 

That didn’t last long, though.

 

“What did you just say?” she sits up on Peter’s bed and leans forward to shut the movie off on his laptop. “Did you just-- Peter, I-- I thought--” Michelle couldn’t form a sentence. It was like her tongue knew whatever she was going to say was going to be terrible. 

 

Michelle was already in love with him. Even though he’s gone whenever she woke up, and ditched in the middle of her favorite movie, she understood. That was one of the things she loved the most about him; how he always put everyone else above his own happiness. Michelle also loved his smile, and his rock hard abs, and how careful he was with her, and how he always messed up making dinner. 

 

She couldn’t tell him that, though. It felt too vulnerable, and  _ naked _ \-- and Michelle didn’t know if she could pour her heart out like he could.

 

Peter looked scared. “I said I think I’m falling off the bed with glue,” he stammered, but then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “No I didn’t. I said I think I’m falling in love with you. I know that we said we wouldn’t, but you are just-- The best girl I’ve ever met.”

 

“Peter--”

 

“I love how you smell like vanilla and rose at the same time. And I love your hair, whether it’s up or down, and how you make fun of me. And I love how you don’t wear makeup-- not that I wouldn’t love it if you did, it’s just-- okay whatever, you get it. And when you wake up next to me in that fresh morning light, my heart literally stops beating. I truly don’t deserve to be able to say this, but: I am falling in love with you, Michelle Jones.” Peter was looking into her eyes with such hope and desire. He was telling her the truth, and he deserved it back.

 

But she couldn’t say it. When she opened her mouth to talk, she felt like she was going to vomit. Tears started collecting in her eyes and Peter engulfed her in a big hug, which turned into him kissing her neck, and her jaw, and her lips.

 

“Peter, stop,” she said, wishing he wouldn’t listen to her. He did. “You deserve so much more than me.”

 

“I don’t.” He wipped a tear away from her cheek, “Why are you crying, baby?”

 

“You deserve so much. You sacrifice yourself every day for people you don’t even know. And what do I do? I’m bitter that you don’t have enough time for me. Even though I-”  _ Even though I love you _ . Her entire demeanor changed, and whatever was coming next was a lie. “Even though I told you I didn’t want something serious. And falling in love in serious.”

 

Peter looked hurt. Tears were collecting in his eyes, too. “Do you not want to be with me anymore?”

 

Michelle shook her head slowly. “That’s not what I said, Peter.”

 

“That’s what it sounds like. Michelle, it’s okay for someone to love you. Let me be that person,” he grabbed for her hands but she yanks them away before he can touch her.

 

“Peter. I told you my conditions five months ago,” she kept her eyes down, so she wouldn’t have to look at the boy that she was currently lying to and damaging. “I told you nothing serious. I told you no labels. I told you.”

 

“Tell me why you can’t let me love you and I’ll drop it.”

 

Michelle wanted to tell him why. Peter poured his heart out to her daily, and she felt like she was weak if she did the same. It’s because of her fucking parents.

 

“Drop it now or I’m leaving and never coming back,” Michelle bluffed.

 

“ _ MJ _ , are you serious? You sound so childish--”

 

“Fine,” Michelle stood up, grabbed her sweatshirt and bag, and started walking towards the door. “I’ll see you when school starts, Parker.” She started turning the knob when, in a flash, Peter was next to her, his hand firmly keeping the door closed.

 

“Jesus Christ, I’ll drop it. I hate you and your hair looks like shit and I wish you wore makeup. Is that what you want to hear?” His other hand was sneaking underneath Michelle’s top, and his fingers on her bare back made her just  _ melt _ .

 

“Thank you.” Michelle drops her items and her hands wind up in his hair. “Now, kiss me like you hate it.”

 

**___**

 

“You’re in love with him?” Michelle spits out, her volume out of control, and it gets Ned’s attention.

 

“Are you serious?” Ned says. He doesn’t sound happy, and Michelle knows it’s because Ned is rooting for her and Peter to get back together.

 

Gwen bites her lip and nods enthusiastically. Apparently, she isn’t reading the room. “Yeah, I am. How could you not fall in love with Peter Parker? Just the way he looks at me sends chills through my whole body.”

 

“Okay, but, you’re sure? Like if you’re not one hundred percent sure then don’t even mention it ever again because-”

 

“Ned, I’m certain. And I’m going to tell him when he walks me home tonight, so you two better keep your mouth shut, okay?”

 

Ned looks at Michelle for a long time before he nods, with pity behind his eyes. He is the only person who knows about Michelle and Peter, because Peter can only handle keeping a handful of secrets at a time. She didn’t really mind though; it gave her more opportunities to be held by Peter. 

 

Michelle feels like she’s going to throw up. Gwen is going on and on about Peter now, and she isn’t stopping any time soon. “Peter and I almost did it last night, but he stopped and said he wanted my first time to be special like his was. Isn’t that sweet?” Michelle is about to lose it. He really said that to her? She doesn’t really remember it being all that special. Peter’s twin bed made Michelle’s back hurt for weeks, and they had to be extra quiet so they wouldn’t wake May. However, Michelle can’t think about it without smiling. They were in love with each other. Was that why he said it was special?

 

And is he not in love with Gwen, then?

 

Anyways, Michelle must  _ look _ like she’s going to throw up because Ned cuts Gwen off to ask, “MJ, are you okay? You look a little pale.”

 

“I’m fine. Just a little hungry.”

 

Gwen takes Michelle’s hand and kisses it lightly, and holy hell, Michelle feels so bad for lying sometimes. She’s just such a good person. “I’m sure Peter will be back soon with some pizza. Do you want to start the movie? He can’t get mad if I say it was my idea.”

 

Michelle nods. “I’m not really in the mood to watch  _ Silent Hill _ anymore, though. Can you look to see what else May has?”

 

Gwen looks in the Parker’s CD cabinet and after ten minutes of arguments, they finally settle on  _ Mamma Mia _ . Michelle kept getting notifications about Spider-Man fighting someone called Green Goblin in Manhattan, so she was a little detached from the conversation. Although it wouldn’t be her first choice, she would never admit that she actually does love it.

 

At this point, Peter has been gone for an hour. Michelle can see Ned getting anxious, she can feel Gwen’s nerves whenever she moves positions on the couch, and with every passing second Michelle gets more and more nauseous. She would go home, but she needs to see if Peter’s okay.

 

Suddenly, the door bursts open. Peter stands there with four boxes of pizza, a huge bruise on his eye, and a smile plastered on his face. “I am so sorry it took so long. I almost got mugged!”

 

“Peter Parker, do you not know how to text?” Gwen shot up off the couch, rushing over to her boyfriend. She takes Peter’s face in her hands and gently rubs her thumb across his fresh black eye. “You’re an idiot,” Gwen sighs in defeat, and plants a quick peck on Peter’s cheek.

 

“I’m all good, by the way. I fought him off with my sheer willpower. He was twice the size of me! It was insane. Anyways, I have pizza and-- You guys started the movie without me?” Peter is all over the place. He must have won the fight; he’s always like this when he wins.

 

“You were gone for a fucking hour, Parker,” Michelle snaps. Ever since he stopped telling her about his Spider-Man adventures, she is more than just scared for him. She’s terrified. She gets all her updates about him on Twitter, and she always convinces herself he’s dead.

 

“MJ, be nice. He got mugged.” Gwen engulfed him in a hug, and Peter stares at Michelle the whole time. He looks apologetic.

 

“I got everyone their own personal pizza. You guys are probably really hungry, and it’s kinda like an apology for having to wait so long.” Peter looks at Michelle and adds, “And for other things.”

 

He got her barbeque chicken pizza, and Michelle’s heart did a backflip. Peter hadn’t bought her her favorite pizza since they broke things off, and she can’t figure out why he did today. Peter winks at her, in a friendly manner, when he sits down next to Gwen. “What are we watching?”

 

Michelle only eats a few bites of one slice the whole rest of the movie. She didn’t actually think her body hates her  _ this much _ , because she might really throw up. She feels light headed, groggy, and a little sweaty. Michelle is only focusing on trying to keep it in. And not the fact that Peter has texted her a few times, asking her if she was okay, because she looks kinda bad, but not in a mean way, she just doesn’t look healthy. It would’ve made her laugh in any other circumstance.

 

God, he won’t stop looking at her. Gwen is snuggled into his chest and Peter is concerned about Michelle. She needs him to stop otherwise--

 

Michelle moves and her body decides that’s the last straw. She feels the few bites of pizza move back up her throat, and she gets up and stumbles quickly to the bathroom. She makes it just in time. Gwen follows her in, takes her own hair out of the ponytail it’s in, and puts Michelle’s hair up so it doesn’t get caught in the vomit. “Holy shit,” Michelle can hear Peter’s voice, “Are you okay, MJ?”

 

“Obviously not, Peter,” Ned scowls, but he must’ve been joke-mad because they laugh a second later.

 

“Can you two shut up? Peter, get some water for her” Gwen groans. She’s holding Michelle’s hair, even though she doesn’t need to, and is stroking Michelle’s back. “My mom used to do this when I got sick as a child, is it making you feel any better?”

 

She can’t get any words out, so she nods. A second later, Peter is handing Gwen the glass of water, and Gwen is placing it in front of Michelle’s lips. She takes a few gulps before feeling like she was going to puke all over again.

 

“Gwen, your dad is calling,” Ned informs them.

 

“Damn, he must want me home. Are you going to be okay, MJ?” Michelle nods again, and Gwen leans down to kiss her cheek. “I’ll check in tomorrow.” Michelle watches as Gwen turns to Peter and takes his hand. “I don’t suppose you can walk me home?”

 

“Sorry, Gwen. May would be so pissed if I didn’t take care of her.” Peter kisses her, a goodbye kiss, and Michelle sees Gwen smile.

 

“It’s fine. My dad makes me carry pepper spray, anyways.”

 

Ned leaves soon after Gwen. Michelle realizes that this is the first time she’s been alone with Peter in months, and she’s hunched on her knees over the toilet. Peter is adamant to touch her at first, but begins to do the same thing Gwen was doing. “I texted May. She said you can stay here, if you want. Actually, she said she’d kill me if you didn’t.”

 

“That sounds like her.” Michelle manages out a laugh. “It’s not like anyone is waiting up for me.”

 

“Yeah. Wait, what?” Michelle never told him about her relationship with her parents. She can’t believe she forgot that.

 

“Hmm? I’m tired.”

 

Peter doesn’t push it and lifts her up effortlessly, bridal style. He carries her into his bedroom and tucks her into his bed. If she didn’t feel like shit, she’d be loving this. He places a bucket next to the bed and a glass of water on the bedside table, and looks at her one last time before telling her goodnight. “I hope you feel better in the morning, M.” Peter smiles and lingers, he looks reminiscent and like he doesn’t want to leave her. But, he does, and she quickly falls asleep.

 

**__**

**one hour later**

 

**GWEN: come outside. i have to talk to you, it’s important**

**GWEN: sorry, mj, that was meant for peter. i hope i didn’t wake you if you were sleeping**

 

She did wake her. And if she didn’t, Peter would have ten minutes later. He barged into his room, slams the door, and repeatedly bangs his head against it. He is groaning something along the lines of “Fuck, shit, I hate my fucking life.”

 

“Peter? Are you okay?” Michelle propped herself up on her elbows and turned the light on.

 

“I forgot you were in here, sorry, M. Were you sleeping? Y’know what, I’ll leave.”

 

“Peter. What’s going on?”

 

“Gwen knows. And I need your help, because she hates me right now.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the support! hopefully this is as good as the first chapter

**peter**

 

Peter was actually having a good day, up until now. He only got punched once last night,  so his body feels better than it has in years, and he spent most of the day hanging out with his best friends. And even though he feels incredibly guilty about it, the best part of the day was when he was taking care of MJ. He misses being close with her.

 

The second best part of the day was when he saved the people on the bridge from the Green Goblin. It was exhilarating. One of the best fights he’s had in a long time, and on top of that, he didn’t lose anyone. He did, however, take off his mask so a child wouldn’t be scared of him, but Peter was fine with that.

 

Gwen, apparently, isn’t.

 

“You’re Spider-Man?” She is standing underneath the street lamp outside his apartment  building, and it looks like she’s been crying.

 

Peter is relieved that this is what they’re talking about, and not his other secret.

 

“Excuse me?” Peter is keeping his distance from her, for several reasons. She’s stated multiple times that she hates how her father is always in danger because of his work as a police officer, and also the Stacy family pretty much hates Spider-Man’s guts. Peter has tried to avoid the topic as much as he can.

 

“My dad was on the bridge today. This kid was stuck in a car that was going to be plunged into the water, and his dad was freaking out. My dad came over to help, and when he looked down, he saw you, Peter Parker, in the Spider-Man suit. Do you want to explain that?”

 

He was going to tell her eventually. Peter doesn’t know exactly  _ when _ , but he was. Maybe. “Is he going to tell anyone?” was what Peter said to her, not having an explanation that will satisfy her.

 

She stepped back, furthering the distance between them. She’s hurt, Peter can see that even with the poor lighting. “No, he won’t. I begged him not to. I can’t believe this.” Gwen ran her fingers through her hair and sobbed, “My boyfriend is Spider-Man. The  _ vigilante _ is Peter fucking Parker, who I--” She stopped herself before she could continue.

 

“Who I what, Gwen?” Peter steps forward, wanting to comfort her. This isn’t the easiest news to handle, he knows. “Also I’m an Avenger, not a vigilante.”

 

“Don’t make jokes.” He wasn’t kidding, but whatever. “Spider-Man has been a pain in the ass for the last three years and I’m fucking  _ in love with him _ .”

 

Shit.

 

He knows how much it hurts to tell someone they love them and them not saying it back, but he doesn’t want to lie to Gwen. Peter  _ doesn’t _ love her, no matter how much he wants to, or should. “I’m sorry, Gwen,” is what he said, and her tears become more frequent.

 

“Don’t call me, Peter.” Gwen wipes the tears from her eyes and starts to walk away from him. Peter starts to say something, but she yells, “And I won’t tell anybody your goddamn secret!”

 

Peter sluggishly walks back to his apartment. He should’ve just lied to her, because now she hates him and knows that he’s Spider-Man. Gwen isn’t the kind of person to get revenge on someone, but Peter broke her heart. Maybe she is.

 

The worst part is that Peter can’t stop thinking about MJ. He couldn’t tell Gwen that he loves her because he’s still in love with Michelle, and it’s so unbelievable that he does. It’s almost been a year since they broke things off, and they broke things off on terrible terms, so he should be over her. But his body stiffens everytime she sits next to him, his heart races everytime he hears her laugh, and he dreams of kissing her, just one more time. May would smack him if she knew what he was doing.

 

MJ doesn’t feel the same, though, and he knows that. So now the girl who does love him is pissed at him, and he might not be able to repair things with her.

 

God, he’s an asshole.

 

He bangs his head against his bedroom door because he’s so  _ stupid _ , and is surprised when he hears a voice behind him, “Peter? Are you okay?”  _ Fuck _ , he forgot MJ was in his bed.

 

Peter turns around just as she turns the lamp on. His heart skips a beat as he registers how pretty she looks, sick or not, and then he wants to hit his head once more because he has a  _ girlfriend _ . “I forgot you were in here, sorry, M. Were you sleeping? Y’know what, I’ll leave.”

 

“Peter. What’s going on?” Michelle demands, and Peter thinks of the last time someone found out he was Spider-Man. But, unlike Gwen, MJ was happy when she found out.

 

“Gwen knows. And I need your help, because she hates me right now.”

 

Fear runs through MJ’s eyes. “She knows what, Peter? Be more specific.”

 

“That I’m Spider-Man.” He sees Michelle relax, and remembers that he actually is a terrible boyfriend. “And then she told me she loved me, and I didn’t say it back.”

 

___

**michelle**

 

“You didn’t?” Peter shakes his head. “Why not?”

 

“Because…” he hesitates, and Michelle doesn’t expect him to say anything significant. They don’t talk about him and Gwen, because it’s uncomfortable and Michelle would rather not be reminded that Peter is happy and she isn’t. “Because I’m not. In love with her.”

 

Does it make her a bad person that she wants to smile right now? Definitely. She’s a terrible person. “You’re stupid. How can you not be in love with her?” Michelle hopes he says  _ because she’s not you _ , but she knows he won’t. Oh god, she really needs help.

 

“Gwen is a terrific girl,” Peter starts, and makes his way across the room to sit at the end of the bed. Michelle brings her knees to her chest. “Probably one of the best that I know, and I really want to love her but I don’t. I can’t really explain it. You can’t force love, you know? If you don’t fall in love because you want to, you fall in love because that’s the person you were always supposed to love.” He looks at Michelle. “I must sound really stupid right now.”

 

“You’re always stupid, Parker, but not right now. I know what you mean.” Michelle smiles reassuringly and wonders if he’s regretting sharing that with her, because his face is blank. He basically just said he was destined to fall in love with her. So now, they’re staring at each other, and Michelle is wishing she could read minds or could share her feelings or something that would make her life easier. “Uh, anyways, why do you need help?”

 

“Right,” Peter says in a raspy whisper, like he was caught off guard. “She said she wasn’t going to tell anyone my secret, but she hates me right now and I can’t just text her about it. I guess that’s where you come in.”

 

“But then she’d be mad at me for knowing about it.”

 

“I’m not asking you to flat out say, ‘Hey, are you okay with Peter being Spider-Man?’ Just ask her why she’s mad at me and go from there.” He sees the reluctance in her face and adds, “Or I can do it myself.” Peter lunges for Michelle’s phone, and she can’t believe she never took his thumb print out of it.

 

“Peter Parker, give that back,” Michelle tries to say sternly, but she’s laughing as she wrestles for her phone back. If he was weaker, this would be no competition, but he lifts cars on a daily basis, and she can hardly lift her ten pound cat. She stands on her knees and reaches across Peter’s body as he extends his arm all the way out, and his hand makes his way to the curve of her back and Michelle is surprised at how easy it is for them to act like the Peter and MJ from a year ago. Peter then raises the phone above his head, and as Michelle goes to reach for it, she falls backward unexpectedly, taking Peter down with her. She lands wrong and groans.

 

“Are you okay? I forgot you were sick,” Peter’s eyes are wide and he’s hovering over her.

 

“Yeah, I’m…” Michelle opens her eyes to see the position they were in. His hand was still holding her back, he’s propped up and inches away from her face, and her legs are in between his.  _ Kiss me, kiss me _ , she’s thinking, not really caring about anyone else. “I’m really good.”

 

Michelle watches as his eyes go down to her lips, but they don’t make it that far before he sits up and clears his throat. She immediately misses the weight that was on top of her. “I’m sorry, uh, about that. Here’s your phone.”

 

“I was going to text Gwen, but I’m not sure you deserve it anymore.” Michelle is still going to, but it’s not like Peter knows when she’s lying. 

 

“Oh, I already sent it.” Michelle’s jaw drops and she throws a pillow at him as he dashes out of the room, and his laughter doesn’t quit until he gets to the kitchen. “I’ll warm up some pizza for you!” he shouts.

 

**MICHELLE: peter told me u guys are arguing? are you guys good?**

**GWEN: idk m, i cant look at him the same anymore**

**MICHELLE: jesus, what’d he do**

**GWEN: basically tried to lie to my face and then told me didn’t love me**

**GWEN: tell him i said fuck off he needs to hear it again**

**MICHELLE: i’m sorry :(**

**MICHELLE: what’d he lie about?**

**GWEN: nothing. nevermind i gtg**

 

“Hey, Peter?” Michelle shouts, and he rushes into the room a minute later with a plate of warm pizza for her. “Thank you,” she says as she grabs the plate from him. “Oh, also, fuck off.”   
  


“What?” He questions, visibly offended.

 

“Gwen told me to tell you that. So, fuck off.” She smiles and takes a bite of the pizza, finally able to enjoy it, and Peter sarcastically laughs. “She wouldn’t tell me that you were Spider-Man, so I think you’re in the clear. Can’t be sure until I see her in person, though.”

 

“Thanks, MJ. God, it was so much easier when you found out.” Peter throws his head back in relief but Michelle chokes on her pizza, because she can’t believe he just said that. 

 

**___**

**one year ago**

 

If it was any other boy, Michelle would have dumped him already. She cooked dinner for him, and it had been sitting, untouched, on the dining room table for two hours. The only time her parents were ever out of town, and he doesn’t show. It’s not as if Peter didn’t bail on her on multiple other occasions. He did, and it always bothered her, but tonight she was officially over it.

 

Forget the fact that she was the happiest she’s ever been, it’s getting ridiculous. If Michelle wanted a flake, she would have picked any other guy at Midtown.

 

Her phone started to buzz repeatedly, and it was Peter texting her over and over and over again. He’s sorry, and he knew tonight was important to her, so he was going to make it up to her. As if Michelle was going to give him the chance.

 

A few minutes later, Peter was knocking at her door. 

 

“Michelle! I know you’re in there. Please open up!” 

 

She wasn’t going to respond. Her blood was boiling and she didn’t know what she was going to say if she talked to him. 

 

“I’m so sorry. I know you made a whole elaborate thing and I know I probably ruined it, but I have flowers and-and chocolate and you can beat my ass, I really don’t care, just please open up!”

 

Her neighbors were going to think Peter was insane, or call the cops. Probably the latter, so she swung the door open. “Go to hell, Parker.” Michelle took the chocolates from him and tried slamming the door in his face, but he was too fast and too strong for her to do that.

 

“You look beautiful, M.” Michelle was wearing the yellow dress she wore to homecoming, because it was the only one she had, and she remembered a few days after the dance Peter telling her she looked nice in it.  

 

“Don’t try sucking up to me.” She threw her whole weight into the door and he still didn’t budge.  _ Damn _ he was strong. Michelle would think it was hot if she didn’t want to hit his pretty face.

 

“I have an actual excuse this time! Listen, I was on my way over here when--”

 

“When  _ what _ , Peter? When you got mugged? Or saved a cat from a tree and the family was so happy they invited you over for dinner and you couldn’t say no? You’re two hours late! What possible excuse could you have?” He looked dumbfounded, and Michelle knew she got him. 

 

Michelle’s parents lie to her constantly, every day, and Peter wasn’t going to do the same anymore.

 

“Have a nice life, Peter,” Michelle said. He lowered his hand from the door so she could finally close it, and as soon as she did, Michelle let out a loud sob.

 

She wanted Peter to argue, to bust the door open and tell her the real reason he was late. But, he never did, and Michelle cried on her couch, thinking about how she pushed Peter away like she does everyone and--

 

Her window started open. Michelle darted up and grabbed a knife from the kitchen, shouting, “Who’s there? I’ll fucking kill you!”

 

“No, you won’t,” said a voice Michelle recognized greatly. And then she saw him, crawling on the ceiling and then lowering himself down.  _ Spider-Man _ was in her living room. “Michelle, lower the knife.”

 

Out of shock, she dropped it. It was about to hit her foot when Spider-Man caught it with his web shooters. That was  _ Peter _ . There was no misplacing his voice. She heard it whisper sweet nothings into her ear every day. “P-Peter?”

 

He took the mask off. First she saw the soft lips she dreamt of, then the nose she once elbowed and made bleed, and the eyes she never wanted to forget. His brown curls escaped last, and Michelle was in complete awe. “This is what I was doing. There was this lady whose purse got stolen, so I chased the guy until we got to an alley. Turns out, it was a set-up, and fifteen guys came out of the darkness and started hitting me, trying to take my mask off. It took me a while to get out of there.”

 

Michelle then saw the cuts across his face, and the bruises that were starting to develop. She couldn’t believe she didn’t see it before. “And you do this every night?” She walked up close to him. Her hands were examining his suit at first, and then the injuries on his face.

 

“Since freshman year. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, MJ. It’s just, no one can know, otherwise I’d never find time for you.” Peter laughed, but then winced. His ribs must’ve been broken or something.

 

“That would mean you’d have to find time for me now.” Michelle was cradling Peter’s face in her hands. Peter kissed her left wrist and looked deeply into her eyes, and she was so ready to be mad at him for the rest of the summer. How could she be, when he saved lives on a daily basis? When he was a hero?

 

“I’m sorry, Michelle. Please forgive me.” He was kissing her right wrist now, and then her forearm, and all the way up to her jaw. “Please?”

 

“Spider-Man has always been my favorite Avenger.” Michelle moved Peter’s head so she could connect his lips with her, and as soon as she did, Peter hugged her body tight against his. He grimaced in pain, but tried to ignore it so he wouldn’t have to break up the kiss. He wanted her. Motherfucking  _ Spider-Man _ wanted Michelle Jones. It was insane.

 

And Michelle wanted him back.

 

**___**

 

It isn’t the fact that Peter said that it was easier when Michelle found out. It’s the fact that he said it at all that surprised her. They don’t talk about their relationship, or frankly, anything that you couldn’t find out on their Twitter page. They aren’t friends who have deep conversations, not anymore.

 

They especially don’t talk about that night, when Peter kind of blew her brains out. So now, she is thinking about that as Peter is trying to help her not die.   
  
“Wrong pipe,” Michelle says when she finally manages it down. “Well, I think it’s because my dad isn’t a cop who hates Spider-Man. Maybe that’s why it’s harder this time.”

 

“Maybe… Hey, what does your dad do, anyways?” Peter’s asked before, but Michelle has never given him a straight answer. She hates talking about her parents.   
  
“I don’t really know, Peter, nor do I care.” And just like that, she shut herself off again, crossing her arms and not looking Peter directly in the eye.

 

**___**

**peter**

 

He hates it when she does that. She looks so  _ sad _ , and he wants to comfort her, but he doesn’t want to touch her again because he’s afraid he might do something stupid.

 

It’s about one in the morning now. Peter is sitting next to Michelle on his bed, wishing he warmed up a slice of pizza for himself, and also thinking about what he should do next. He should break up with Gwen, that’s the logical move. Break up with Gwen, try to do it in a nice way so she doesn’t tell everyone, and then ask MJ to be his girlfriend. That’s what he wants anyways.

 

Peter knows better, though. MJ is never going to say yes, and if she did, Gwen would be pissed once she found out and would probably tell everyone anyways. It’s not like Michelle is the easiest person. And Peter has never been good with words-- he’d mess up breaking up with her before even getting to her house. And also, he likes Gwen. Not in the way he’s supposed to but he doesn’t want to hurt her more than he already has.

 

At first, he asked Gwen out because he wanted to. It was right after they got out of school, and Flash Thompson was throwing a summer bash party. Peter, Ned, and MJ showed up together all wearing matching tops that creatively said, “Fuck Midtown!” MJ cut her’s into a crop top.

 

He had known Gwen for a few months before that, but always thought she was kind of stuck up and prissy. She still dressed like she went to private school and wouldn’t talk to Peter if MJ wasn’t there. At the party, though, she was a completely different person. Peter’s world shifted, and the past two months had been fun with her. But that’s kind of all they were: fun.

 

At some point in the last few weeks, him being with Gwen had turned into something else. It turned into him wanting to be completely over Michelle, and he’s been trying really hard-- but it isn’t working. Peter knows, deeply, that he’s a terrible person for using Gwen like that.

 

He isn’t sure when the shift occurred. Maybe it was last week when she didn’t have enough money for ice cream, and the guy behind her paid for it. After, he turned to Peter and whispered, “Give her my number, will you?” He didn’t. Or, maybe it was the week before that, when he was having a sleepover with Ned and Michelle climbed into his window in the middle of the night, her cheeks tear stained, asking to talk to May. His first thought was that he wished she asked for him, instead.

 

Peter feels horrible.

 

“I don’t want to go back to school, Peter,” Michelle says randomly, stretching her whole body across the bed so her feet are in Peter’s lap.

 

“We still have two weeks,” Peter says. Two weeks for Peter to figure everything out before he has no clue what he’s doing.

 

He needs more time.


	3. Chapter 3

**peter**

 

Turns out that two weeks fly by faster than Peter can comprehend. Gwen hasn’t said a word to Peter since she found out, and she actually blocked him from seeing her story on Snapchat. That really pissed him off. ALthough, he hasn’t exactly had time to focus on Gwen ignoring him, because Peter has been with MJ, constantly, for the past two weeks, trying to come up with a solid plan that would solve all of their problems.

 

Problem one: Gwen hating Peter’s guts. “Just tell her you love her,” Michelle said one morning. She hadn’t gone home in a few days at that point, and he didn’t exactly want to ask why, because if she did, she might leave. “I think she’s more mad about the fact that you don’t love her.”

 

“I’m not lying to her, MJ.” Michelle raised an eyebrow at him and he groaned, “Fine. I’m not lying to her  _ anymore _ .” The eyebrow remained up, and he knew what she was thinking about. His hands instantly got clammy, and he tried covering his awkwardness up by throwing a paper plate at her. “Jesus, Michelle, stop pointing out how terrible I am. I am not telling her I love her when I don’t.”

 

“If it keeps her from ratting on you to the entire city, then why not?” It registered at that moment that MJ doesn’t fully grasp what an ‘I love you’ can mean to a person. His heart cracked a little bit.

 

“Because if I love her, then I would’ve told her when she told me. And second of all, that’s cruel. When someone tells you they love you, they should mean it, and I’m not someone who is an-‘I love you’-whore.” He’s only ever told a girl he loved her once. And it hurt so bad when she didn’t say it back.

 

Michelle stared at him, contemplating something in her mind, and then said, “Fine. Scratch that idea.”

 

Problem two: Gwen not even talking to Peter. He refused to spam her on iMessage, which made Michelle incredibly frustrated, so she told him the next best plan was so show up at her house. “That feels invasive.”

 

“This is getting annoying, Peter. School starts in ten days. Do you know how much damage a girl can do in ten days? You either want her back or not. You either want her to leak your secret to the public or not. Fucking choose, Peter.” 

 

“I…” he was shocked at her abruptness.  _ I want you _ , he thought. And then he wanted to hit himself upside the head, because he really needs to stop thinking like that. “I want to be with her.”

 

Michelle’s expression hardened, making it look like she was delivered a hard blow to the stomach. “Fine,” she sniffed, “Then go to her damn house and talk to her. She likes lilies, if you didn’t know.”

 

Gwen really, really didn’t want to talk to him, though. He showed up outside her apartment building in his “Fuck Midtown!” shirt, hoping he would get a smile out of her, but he got nothing. Her little brother answered the door and said, “‘Fuck Midtown’? Fuck you.” And slammed the door. 

 

Then, Peter scaled the building, stopping at Gwen’s window. He could see her lying on her bed, emotionless, and in her oversized sweatpants that Peter got her as a joke. He knocked on the window, and when she ignored him, he knocked again. “I’m not leaving until you talk to me, Gwen Stacy!”

 

“Then you can rot out there!” she yelled back. Twenty minutes later, he knew she was serious.

 

Problem three: the morning after Gwen found out, Peter and Michelle woke up with Peter holding her. He didn’t even remember falling asleep, but he knew they were up past three. He felt so content, waking up next to her. She still used the same shampoo, her hair smelling like vanilla and roses, and even after a year he remembered all the places where she liked him to be. His arm tucked underneath her, his other arm across the middle. Peter’s head bent down as if to look like he was kissing her shoulder, and one of her legs stacked between his.

 

He woke up with an overwhelming feeling of joy. Peter missed her. He even missed her snoring. However, it messed a lot of things up. Michelle has been short tempered with him ever since, and even when school started they let Ned walk in between them so they wouldn’t accidentally touch. Also, even though Peter’s pretty sure he’s broken up with Gwen, he feels like he cheated on her. And that is not a very good feeling.

 

They still don’t have a solution to that problem, a good or bad one.

 

“Okay, so dude, you won’t believe what just happened to me.” The smile plastered across Ned’s face was contagious. Life might’ve been kicking Peter’s ass right now but he’s happy his best friend is having a good time. “Homecoming is weeks away but Betty Brant asked me! She said she wanted to ‘lock me down.’ Can you believe that?”

 

“That’s awesome, dude,” Peter smiles. His tone must not have been convincing because Ned’s face fell.

 

“Shit, should I not have brought up relationships? I know Gwen still isn’t talking to you and that you’re in love with Michelle. Is it a sensitive topic for you?”

 

“Wh- Excuse- I am not!” Peter’s practically choking on his tongue and Ned is sitting next to him laughing. Is he really that transparent?

 

“Chill out! She might not be my type, but I think you should get rid of girl G and get with girl M. Not that G isn’t great, I just think she isn’t for you.” Ned does this thing where he tries to talk in a secret code sometimes so passer-byers won’t know what they’re talking about, and today, it’s getting on Peter’s nerves.

 

“Can you not do that right now? I’m really not in the mood for cryptic Ned.” Peter slams his locker shut and they walk to lunch. “Anyways, it’s not that easy. Not after the way things ended.”

 

“So what, Peter? It’s not like what happened was so unforgivable-- because look! You forgave her! It was one stupid comment--”

 

“I don’t care, Ned. Also she doesn’t even like me like that anymore. It’s a lost cause.” Peter’s going to have to sit him down and talk about boundaries sometime soon.

 

“What’s a lost cause?” said a voice from behind them, and Peter almost screams.

 

“MJ, I swear to god, you do that one more time and you’re never allowed in my house again.”

 

Michelle scoffs, “Someone’s a little heated today.” Her and Ned exchange agreeing looks and then she falls into place next to Ned. “What’s a lost cause?” she repeats, curiously resting her chin on Ned’s shoulder.

 

“Me and Gwen,” Peter lies. Well, it’s not  _ really _ a lie-- it has now been two and a half weeks since she last talked to him, and Peter isn’t stupid enough to think he really has a chance with her anymore-- it’s just not what he and Ned were talking about.

 

“Peter’s so fucked,” Ned giggles, and when he spots someone he ditches Peter and MJ faster than Peter can argue. “Betty! Wait up! I’ll catch you guys at lunch.”

 

Peter and Michelle walk in silence for the majority of the time. If you saw them, you wouldn’t even think they were walking together. They’re standing with enough room for someone to push past them, and Peter looks at MJ only a handful of times before he deems it too dangerous in case of unexpected sprinters. She’s wearing the overalls she borrowed from May with a red long sleeve shirt underneath it-- red and blue, did she do that on purpose?

 

“Hey, Peter?” Michelle pulls him aside before they make it into the lunchroom. “I don’t think it’s a lost cause.”

 

“What isn’t?” Peter, who has a memory of two seconds, has been totally preoccupied thinking of someone else. Her hair is down and one side is pinned back with a…  _ Spider-Man clip? _ “When did you get that?” he asks.

 

“Shut up, it was the only one I could find,” she quickly retorts. “Did you not know you have merch? There’s literally a whole shop dedicated to you on 111th street. Not that I would know, or anything.” He sees her cheeks flood with embarrassment, but he doesn’t have any time to enjoy it before she changes the subject. “Anyway, you and Gwen. It’s not a lost cause.”

 

Peter wishes she stops bringing it up. “What do you mean?”

 

“She’s in there, sitting by herself. Go sit next to her.” MJ sees Peter’s reluctance cross his face, and she rolls her eyes and huffs out, “I  _ dare _ you. Will that make you do it?”

 

**___**

**one year ago**

 

“Peter? Are you playing?” someone shouted at him from across the room. The sophomores, and the remaining people who thought prom was a waste of time and or couldn’t attend, threw a party Flash Thompson’s house. Of course, he was in on it, but he wasn’t actually there.

 

“What am I playing?” Peter asked, taking a swift drink of his beer before seeing the circle that took up most of the living room. Beer did nothing for him, his metabolism was way too fast, but if he didn’t drink beer someone would call him a pussy. Not that he cared or anything, it’s just that Penis Parker was annoying enough, he didn’t need to be called Pussy Parker, too.

 

“Truth or dare,” MJ said from the other side of the circle. Peter was shocked that she was here, because he invited her and she explicitly said no. “You’re playing, Parker. Abraham, move over there so Peter can sit next to me.”

 

The first person to be asked was Peter, surprisingly. “Dare,” he said to Cindy.

 

She smiled mischievously, “Peter Parker, I dare you to take your shirt off.” Cindy and a bunch of other girls chanted as Peter grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled it off his head, and clapped when they saw his abs. They really weren’t that impressive, in Peter’s opinion. He’s seen Captain America-- Peter was  _ nothing  _ compared to Steve Rogers.

 

Michelle was picked a few rounds after. “Dare,” MJ confidently spoke, as if they wouldn’t come up with a dare she hasn’t already done.

 

“I dare you to take a tequila shot off of Peter’s abs.”

 

“Ha, did I say dare? Because I meant truth,” Michelle was blushing profusely, and she refused for five minutes before someone yelled, “JUST FUCKING DO IT ALREADY!”

 

Peter’s toes curled when he felt her tongue move up his abdomen, licking the salt off. She kept her hand on his stomach when she took the shot, and then their lips lightly grazed when she took the lime from his mouth. Peter felt flustered. MJ was his  _ friend _ , and only his friend.

 

Had her lips always looked that good before?

 

They both do a few more dares, one or two truths, where they didn’t have to do anything sexual. Even though Betty was dared to give Peter a lap dance, but that didn’t really count because it wasn’t  _ his _ dare. It was edging on two in the morning, and everybody was getting tired of the game, so maybe Peter wouldn’t have to--

 

“Peter, truth?” a girl Peter has literally never seen before in his life asked.

 

“That’s not how the game wor--” he started, but she cut him off before he could finish.

 

“Who in this circle do you want to kiss the most?” Fuck. He didn’t have to answer her question. Did she even go to his school? Peter saw all the eyes peering at him, and noticed the one next to him who was awkwardly looking at her hand, and he knew he had to answer.

 

“Uh… MJ, I guess.” He stared at her as her head shot up. Peter didn’t miss the smile that quickly graced her face.

 

The girl who asked Peter whispered something into Cindy’s ear, and Cindy laughed before asking Michelle, “Truth or dare?”

 

“Dare,” her voice wavered. Peter’s would have too if Cindy’s eyes were staring at him like that.

 

“Kiss Peter.”

 

Goddamnit. Peter’s eyes went wide and his heartbeat picked up. If MJ kissed him, Ned would never let them live it down, and he wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye without thinking of the time his tongue was down her throat. But Cindy wasn’t asking for a makeout, so maybe it would be okay.

 

That’s what she got, though. While Peter was busy freaking out, Michelle took Peter’s head in her hands and turned it to face her’s. She chuckled before leaning in, probably mentally making fun of him, and Peter finally checked back into reality just before her lips were on his. He closed the gap first. Michelle crawled onto his lap, her hands all over Peter’s bare chest, and Peter hugged her at the waist as he did what he predicted: slid her tongue into her mouth. God, he was never going to forget that. They fell backwards, Peter hitting his head on the back of the couch, but the kiss didn’t break. He was spinning. He never knew a kiss would make him feel like this.

 

“Get a room!” Charles shouted, and everyone followed with laughter.

 

“Gladly!” 

 

What the hell? MJ stood up off of Peter and helped him onto his feet, and then lead him into a guest room. Peter’s hands were clammy, and he wasn’t able to process everything that was happening. He shouldn’t want this to happen. MJ, as he kept repeating over and over again in his head, was his friend. Peter shouldn’t want to kiss her again, or to feel her weight against his, and he really shouldn’t want to put his hand up her sh--

 

“Sorry about that, Peter,” Michelle said when she closed the door. “They were annoying me. Just because you’ve got abs of steel doesn’t mean they can objectify you,” she tried joking, but it landed flatly.

 

Peter didn’t smile. MJ was still holding his hand, and she wasn’t letting go. “So that’s all it was? Trying to make them uncomfortable?”  _ Say no _ , his heart chants, or maybe somewhere else.

 

“I mean… yeah.” MJ gazes into Peter’s eyes. Her hand is moving up his bicep, and he can’t tell if she knew or not. “Unless, do you want it to be something else? Do you want it to be because,” her hand was now at the back of his neck, “I’m so unbelievably attracted to you I just couldn’t keep it in anymore?”

 

Peter placed his hand on her waist, and the other one pushed the hair out of her face. “No, of course not.” He smirked, and she laughed about what she just said.

 

“Because I’m not. I think you’re unequivocally disgusting.” Peter’s fingers played with the hemline of her t-shirt.

 

“I think you’re annoying. Who uses the word unequivocally at a party?”

 

“Screw off, loser.”

 

“Gladly.”

 

Longingly, they look at each other. Peter hadn’t noticed how close they had gotten until that moment, when he found his hands underneath her shirt at the waist and Michelle just inches away. Her hot breath, although smelling like tequila, was driving Peter crazy in the best way possible. This time, MJ crashed her lips against his first.

 

**___**

**michelle**

 

Fifteen minutes later, Peter sits next to Ned at the lunch table. He’s eerily quiet, even when Ned and Michelle push him to say something. Eventually they stop asking. Peter plays with his food instead of eating it, and Michelle assumes that Gwen cut him loose. “She asked to meet up with me after school,” Peter says out of the blue.

 

“Seriously?” Michelle sounds a bit harsh, but come on. He looks like a sad puppy, not someone who was most likely going to reunite with his girlfriend. “It’s just… I really thought I was sending you to your death.”

 

“It’s okay, MJ. I was shocked too. I went over there expecting her to chew me out or something and instead she said that she supports it and wants to talk more about it after school.” Peter doesn’t sound in awe of Gwen’s generosity. He sounds a little pissed off, even though she’s been helping him with this exact thing for the past two weeks.

 

“And you said yes?” She tries to play her question off as nonchalant as possible. She stuffs a few fries in her mouth so it doesn’t sound bitchy, and of course it didn’t work. Peter looks at her like she’s speaking Latin. “Did you say yes, Peter?”

 

“Oh! I mean, yeah, of course I did.”

 

“I wasn’t sure. You sounded depressed.”

 

“I’m not upset about it--”

 

“Tell your voice that.”

 

“If I didn’t want to talk to her, I wouldn’t. But I do. Okay? I want to.” It feels like a dagger in her stomach. Peter’s staring intently at her, ready to fight (verbally of course,) and Michelle has a million things lined up. She just can’t seem to get the courage to say any of them.

 

“Hey, Peter?” she says, and then raises her middle finger to his face. He goes red and opens his mouth to yell, but Ned cuts him off.

 

“Does anyone want to talk about Mr. Harrington’s new haircut? It’s pretty wild, huh? Teachers shouldn’t shave just the sides of their head. It distracts me during Decathlon.” He fights for things to talk about, because the past few days have been troublesome for the three of them. Ned is always in the middle of their bickering. Michelle feels bad about it, however when she woke up in Peter’s arms that morning she decided that it is finally time to get over him. No more pinning, no more jealousy. She is done with it.

 

It hasn’t been going very well.

 

Whatever. It was never going to happen overnight, and Peter looking at her like he is right now  _ really _ doesn’t help. Baby steps, Michelle. Tonight: don’t text Peter.

 

She can do that.

 

**___**

 

“MJ! Wait up!” She’s almost out of the building before she hears Peter voice booming through the hallway. “Do you need transportation?” He pulls up his sleeve slightly to reveal his web shooters. 

 

“No, Peter. I know how to take the subway.” Michelle pushes throw the door, trying her best not to look at Peter. And even though she isn’t, in the corner of her eye she can see his curly hair bouncing with every step they take. He really needs a haircut, but she also thinks that’d suck if he got one. She likes his curls.

 

“It’s faster when you get on my back, though. I know we haven’t done it in a while, but I’m sure I can still lift you.” She stops to death stare at him, continues walking, and then his stammering gets worse. “Shit, that’s not what I meant. You aren’t fat. In fact, you’re really skinny. In a good way. Like, not “have my hamburger” skinny, just-- Anyways, I’m really strong, so even if you did get heavier, it’s not like I’d notice.” Peter takes a deep breath in to continue talking.

 

“Peter!” she yells before he can say anything else. “It’s fine. I am perfectly okay with my body, and thanks for your concern, but I’m going to take the subway like I have for the past few days.”  _ Don’t follow me, don’t follow me _ , she hopes. 

 

“That’s totally chill. I mean that’s awesome. Do you want to show me that Spider-Man shop on 111th sometime soon? Because I think those clips are something Aunt May would really dig.” Peter lightly pokes the side of Michelle’s head and she swats his hand away.

 

“Use Google,” Michelle coldly says. Peter notices that something’s off.

 

“Did I do something to you? Besides that back there when I kinda called you fat, of course.” They’re now walking across the football field, and Peter is going completely out of the way just so he can talk to her. 

 

“Nope.” Michelle pops the ‘p.’

 

“Are you sure? Because you seem a little… Uh… Closed off, I guess?” She doesn’t answer, so he gently grabs her wrist so she’ll pay attention to him. “Michelle, what happened? Talk to me.”

 

She spots Gwen rushing over to them from across the field. Michelle points over Peter’s shoulder and says, “Your girlfriend is over there. Leave me alone and talk to her, Peter. You should have priorities.”

 

“Michelle!” he shouts after her, mad and slightly concerned.

 

She gives him a stiff wave without turning back to look at him. Michelle wipes her eyes and continues walking away from Peter. Why does she have to be a bitch all the time? If she was just nice to him, maybe he wouldn’t have blown up her phone for the entire night, and subsequently, Gwen wouldn’t have either.

 

**PETER: i’m sorry for whatever i did**

**PETER: mj you’re starting to worry me**

**PETER: fine, if you’re going to ignore me, i’m just going to say it. jane austen was a terrible writer.**

**PETER: fuck i can’t do it. she was amazing.**

**PETER: please text me back. i’m about to suit up and head over there**

 

Gwen didn’t exactly ‘blow her phone up.’ She sent maybe three texts in a row once, telling Michelle that Peter’s worried and it’s annoying her.

 

Michelle couldn’t text back, anyways. Her parents argued all throughout dinner, and because they did, it took three hours. Three full hours of Michelle’s mother calling her dad the most worthless man in America. Three full hours of Michelle’s father saying that Michelle is a daughter of a whore and he’s not even sure she’s his daughter. And when she chimes in to say something, something as small as pass the salt or something as big as “please shut up,” her mom would snap at her. 

 

Her mom got pregnant when she was seventeen, and although she wasn’t ready to be a mother at  _ all _ , Michelle’s dad offered to marry her if she kept the baby. Seventeen years later, filled with arguments and belittling their daughter, their family is dysfunctional and on the brim of divorce. Michelle just wishes they would do it already.

 

When her mom found out Michelle was having sex, the first thing she did was tell her husband. He went  _ ballistic _ . Told Michelle that if she made the same mistake they did, he was kicking her out of the house. Said, “Of course she’s a slut, just like her mother,” loud enough for her eavesdropping mom to ear. And overall, he just kept saying ‘mistake’ a million times over. She was a mistake. That’s all she heard from him.

 

Tonight, he didn’t go that far. He ignored her until the very end of dinner when he stopped her from getting out of her chair. “Michelle, we have to talk to you about something. So, your eighteenth birthday is coming up soon,” whatever thoughts in Michelle’s head are too good to be true, and she  _ knows _ she’s setting herself up for disappointment when she thinks about getting a car. “And your mother and I have decided that you have to keep your grades up if you want to stay here.”

 

“ _ Excuse me _ ?” is all that comes out, but she wants to yell  _ “Are you fucking crazy?” _

 

“Don’t talk to your father like that, Michelle. We won’t have a disappointment for a daughter, especially if you want to go to Stanford.” She doesn’t  _ want _ to go to Stanford, and she’s told them that countless time.

 

“If you continue getting A’s, then we should have no problem.” Her father pinches her cheek, but Michelle is in too much shock to even register it. They’ll kick her out if she gets a B? What. The. Fuck. “Now, get dad a beer, would you?”

 

Peter wasn’t kidding when he said he was coming over, because when she comes back to her room after dinner, he’s lying on her bed in his suit. At first she doesn’t notice. Michelle slams the door in frustration and feels a few tears roll down her face. What kind of parents--

 

“What’s wrong, Michelle?” a concerned voice says behind her, and she turns around and hits the person in the nose.

 

“Peter Benjamin Parker, what the fuck is wrong with you? You can’t sneak into teenage girls’ rooms like this,” Michelle yell-whispers so she doesn’t alarm her parents.

 

His nose is bleeding profusely. “Well I’m sorry if I was concerned for my friend! Can you stop punching my face, please? This is like the third time and it’s starting to bother me.”

 

“You only get hit when you sneak into my fucking room. Maybe stop doing that? I think you should be able to not do that.” How is it possible that she loves this boy? He’s an idiot. And even though Michelle is mad, she grabs tissues from her desk and shoves it into Peter’s hand. “Take these.”

 

“Thanks, M. I’ll try not to do this again, but in my defense I have been here for thirty minutes and I did text you about it. Maybe if you responded to my text about Jane Austen, I wouldn’t be here, but when you didn’t my Spidey senses were going off all over the place.” Peter makes mini explosions with one hand trying to the work for two.

 

“Your Spidey senses? Peter, that’s one of the lamest things you’ve ever said,” Michelle giggles, still whispering as she sits down on her bed. Peter walks forward to sit next to her but she kicks him back, “No way. Not with that nose.”

 

“Michelle?” her mom’s voice shouts from the other side of the door. “Is there a boy in your room?”

 

“No! I’m watching TV. Good night, mom.”

 

After a minute, Peter puts the bloddy tissue in the garbage and says, “You have a mom?”

 

_ Idiot _ , she thinks, but is smiling when she thinks it. “No, I’m an orphan.” Michelle forgets who she’s talking to, an actual orphan, and she quickly apologizes. “Sorry, Peter. Bad joke.  _ Yes _ , I have a mother.”

 

“I just meant that you’ve never talked about her before and--”

 

“Because I don’t like to talk about my family.”

 

“I get that, but you’ve never even mentioned her name.”

 

“Why are you here, Peter?” she sternly changes the subject, and Peter backs into the wall out of surprise.

 

“Because I care about you, and you were really abrasive after school today.” Michelle is prepared to argue with him, but he says something that knocks her off her axis. “I feel guilty, MJ. About last year. About us.”

 

She kicks him out before he can say anything else.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for 60 kudos! this is kind of a stressful experience for me since i haven't publicly shared my work in such a long time and i'm glad people are enjoying it!

**peter**

 

In three seconds, MJ goes from perfectly calm to pushing him out the window with as much force as she can muster. He stumbles over a pile of clothes she left on the floor as her small hands continue to shove and pull and Peter can hardly get any words out. “What the hell, M?” he said once he was sitting halfway on the windowsill.

 

“If my parents hear me talking to you, they’ll kill me. This is not the time to discuss…” she searches for the right word but never comes up with one. “If you feel guilty, tell Gwen. Hell, tell the whole world, just leave my parents out of it.” Michelle looks scared.

 

“But I don’t want to tell Gwen.” She’s trying to peel his leg off of her wall, even though it’s a lost cause, and Peter feels her pause for a second when he says that.

 

“Then what do you want me to do? Do you want me to do it? Because I will if you just _get out of my house_.” Michelle isn’t letting up on his leg and he’s starting to understand that she’s serious about this.

 

“I’ll go. But, MJ, I don’t want Gwen to know.” Peter takes her hand off of his leg and swings it over to the otherside. It’s hurting his neck to look over his shoulder to stare at MJ, and it doesn’t bother him that he’s basically dangling off a six story building, he just considers it mildly unnerving.

 

Michelle, stuttering, seems to immediately forget how desperately she wanted him to leave. “Uh, w-what’d she say to you? After school, at the, um, football field.”

 

“She never got the chance to talk, actually. I kinda was freaking out about you,” Peter was going to end the sentence there, but as he watches her face turn rigid, he quickly adds, “And then Karen alerted me of an assault and battery that I had to attend to, so…”

 

A silence falls between the two. Eventually, Michelle sits next to Peter on the windowsill. He knows she’s scared of heights (one of two reasons why she didn’t go on the Washington Monument,) but she knows Peter would never let her fall to her death. She trusts him fully, and as he watches her watch the stars he wonders how he ever let her get away from him. “You have to stop doing this, Peter,” she eventually says, not taking her gaze off of the night’s sky.

 

“Doing what?” he asks, even though he knows what she’s talking about.

 

“Putting me before Gwen. It’s starting to piss her off, I think. If you want to keep her, you need to prioritize her. Also, stop looking at me like… that.” There’s a long pause between her finals words where she turns her head and looks Peter in the eye. A pause where she bites her lip, something she does when she’s nervous. Peter wants this pause to last forever. “It’s really-- It’s just, you shouldn’t be looking at me like that. It’s unfair.”

 

“To who?”

 

“To Gwen, obviously.” Michelle breaks eye contact and returns to looking at the sky.

 

“Obviously.” Peter doesn’t fail to note the hesitation before she answered his question. “Michelle, what do you think Gwen would do if I broke up with her? Like, hypothetically speaking.”

 

She whips her head around to look at him again. “You’re so stupid. I’m going to have to tell her you said that, you know.”

 

“I said _hypothetically_. And why would you have to tell her? And answer me, please.” Yeah, he probably shouldn’t have said it, but Peter was afraid Michelle was going to try to kick him out again. She looks so pretty in the moonlight.

  
“Because she’s one of my best friends, and you’re her boyfriend. Anyways--”

 

“But I’m like, your _bestest_ friend, so don’t I outrank her?”

 

MJ punches him in the arm. “Let me answer your hypothetical scenario. Honestly, it could go one of two ways, I think. One, you dump her nicely and respectfully, say something like, ‘If the villains find out who I am, that would put you in danger, and I couldn’t live with myself if you got hurt,’ and she won’t tell anyone and maybe you’ll still be friends. _Two_ , you try to do it nicely, but you turn into the stammering idiot you are, maybe accidentally call her gross and ugly, and she snitches to her father who puts out a warrant for your arrest. Take a guess at which one is more likely.”

 

“ _Har-har_ ,” he sarcastically remarks as Michelle laughs. “I just don’t think Gwen is the one for me.” Swiftly, hope glimmers in her eye, and a small smile creeps on her face. But just as fast as it occurred, she wiped it away when she untucked her hair from behind her ear.

 

“Of course she isn’t. We’re in high school. We aren’t meant to meet our soulmates now, and who knows if we ever will? There are seven billion people on this planet. I don’t think we’re going to be lucky enough to even meet one percent of those people.”

 

“You’re destined to meet your soulmate, M. I think that’s why Aunt May has never really moved on from Ben’s death, because he was _her_ person. They were supposed to live a lifetime together, and I guess I kinda messed that up for them.” Peter, now overwhelmingly sad, looks in the opposite direction of Michelle, who gives Peter’s hand a quick squeeze before returning to her own bubble.

 

“Peter, it wasn’t your fault. What I said last year, I didn’t mean it. It was so fucked up. _I_ was so fucked up, and I need you to tell me that you know that it’s not your fault.” He wishes he never brought it up, because he doesn’t want to cry in front of her, not right now.

 

Peter pulls his mask over his head. He hears (and feels) Michelle crawl back into her apartment before he stands up, declaring, “I’m gonna go to--to, uh, Gwen’s house. You’re right. I need to get my priorities straight.”

 

Before he hears her say goodbye, Peter swings away from her apartment complex. He’s going to break up with her. It’s the right thing to do, even if MJ thinks it’s going to go terribly wrong, Avengers are supposed to do the right thing. If he says the thing about not wanting to put her in danger, it’ll go fine-- except he can’t really remember the exact thing she said, that memory was quickly replaced with how Michelle’s face practically lit up when he said, “Gwen isn’t the one for me.”

 

As long as Peter can remember, or come up with something similar, it’s a soundproof plan.

 

“Peter!” Gwen exclaimes when he knocks on her window. She opens it up and when Peter takes off his mask, she smashes her lips into his. “God, I missed that feeling. And before you say anything, I’m really sorry for not supporting you with this whole thing,” she points to his suit, “right off the bat. And maybe it was too soon to say I love you, so I’m sorry about that, too.”

 

“About the Spider-Man, thing, Gwen--” Peter climbs into Gwen’s bedroom, ready to dive into the speech he made while coming over here, but she cuts him off before he can get anywhere.

 

“Peter, I don’t care. Really. I think it’s amazing! And, listen, I know it’s a long time away, but since we’re dating I guess it really isn’t an issue: wanna go to homecoming with me, Peter Parker?”

 

Shit.

 

**___**

**one year ago**

 

“What are we doing, Peter?” she said from underneath him as she tried to stop him from kissing her jaw. “Seriously, Peter, stop.”

 

He groaned and buried his head in the curve of her neck. “Sorry, M.” Peter sat up, on the farthest area of the couch from her, and grabbed a pillow to put over his lap to rest his arms on. Peter was pretty sure Michelle wouldn’t believe that, but it was worth a shot. “What do you mean?”

 

“ _Us_ , Peter. You keep calling Ned and I over to hang out, but whenever Ned leaves you won’t keep your hands off me. What’s up with that?”

 

“It’s not like you’re innocent, Michelle. When Ned went to the bathroom you stuck your tongue down my throat. What’s up with _that_ ?” Three weeks had passed since prom night, and MJ was totally right: he didn’t want to keep his hands to himself. That first kiss with her, despite being surrounded with his annoying peers, was enchanting. And so was every kiss after. It had turned sort of _addicting_ , honestly.

 

MJ’s face went red. “Says the guy who’s hiding his boner right now.” She pointed at Peter’s lap, and he lightheartedly flipped her off. “Peter, you know what I mean. What are we?”

 

“Fuck buddies?” he joked, and she kicked him hard in the side. The farthest they had gone at that point was underneath the bra, not that he was expecting more. If they stopped there, that would be enough for him to live on for a lifetime. “What do you want us to be?”

 

“I like you, Peter. Maybe a little too much.”  


“I like you a lot, too,” he said, and he probably should’ve waited to say it, because at the same time MJ told him, “But I don’t want anything serious.”

 

“You’re a great guy, Peter,” she continued on. “But we’re sixteen, and I’d rather know you for the rest of my life than to be your highschool sweetheart.” Peter grimaced. “Did that sound mean? I just meant that if we become, like, ‘boyfriend-girlfriend’ and it doesn’t work out, then I would never be able to look you in the eye again. And I want to be your best friend until I’m so sick of you that I literally die to get away from you.” She smiled, trying to get the nasty expression off of Peter’s face.

 

As hard as it was, he ignored it. “But what if this ‘fling’ or whatever ends badly, and you still can’t look me in the eye. Then what?”

 

“Then… Then we build a bridge and get over it. As long as you never feel entitled to meet my parents, then I think we’ll be able to do that.” Peter didn’t know what to think. Maybe she was right. He really wanted to be able to grow old with her, in love or not. On the other hand, though, he didn’t want whatever they were to stop. “Peter, promise me something.”

 

“Okay,” he said, a bit too fast, as MJ throws the pillow off of him and crawls into his lap.

 

“Promise me that, no matter how hard it is,” her grin was cocky, and her fingers started to curl around Peter’s hair. “You’ll never fall in love with me, for the sake of our future friendship. And because if I tell anyone that _Peter Parker_ fell in love with me, I might just have to throw myself off a cliff.”

 

“As if you’re any better.” He brought her head down, feeling a desperate urge to kiss her, but she stopped him and threw her pinky out. “Really? You want to pinky promise?” MJ nodded. She looked radiant tonight, and he was considering dragging this conversation out as long as possible just so he can see her smile more. “ _Fine_ . I, Peter B. Parker, pinky swear that, no matter how hard it is, I will never, _ever_ fall in love with you, Michelle-something-Jones, for the sake of our future friendship.”

 

She leaned down, but instead of her lips against his, he felt them graze his ear. “Michelle _Ruth_ Jones. It’s a family name.”

 

Peter broke his promise within twenty seconds. He was, undoubtedly, going to fall in love with that girl.

 

**___**

**michelle**

 

She hasn’t heard from Peter since he lept from her window last night. He wasn’t in school, and because it’s Friday, she doesn’t have any plans to see him until Monday. Which is _fine_ , but she at least expected a text. He usually tells her, or Ned, when he’s out of commission.

 

Stark probably rolled out of nowhere with an offer to train upstate again. He’s been AWOL for what-- six months? And he always had a knack for poor timing, Michelle has found out, so if he chose now to return it wouldn’t really surprise her.

 

From the impression she got last night, Peter was going to break up with Gwen. Michelle probably shouldn’t have talked to him for that long, nor should she have felt butterflies when she sat next to him, or when she noticed him looking at her like he always used to. Everything just feels so much brighter when she’s with him. And it’s really hard to want to let that go. God, she feels like she’s pressing repeat on the same thoughts every day and it’s driving her _mad_. The “girl who steals her best friend’s boyfriend” is someone Michelle never thought she’d identify as, either, and it’s not like she’d actually do anything with Peter when he’s with Gwen. However…

 

She’s in love with him.

 

And it really sucks.

 

Gwen, who was absent at lunch, catches up to Michelle before Decathlon practice. She latches onto Michelle’s arm and tries to rest her cheek on Michelle’s shoulder, but Gwen would have to stand on her tiptoes to do it. “Are you busy tonight?” Gwen says, a dreamy smile on her face.

 

“Nope. Why?” They round the corner that leads them to the library, to see that they’re the only ones there so far.

 

“Peter’s out of town this weekend, and I feel like I haven’t spent that much time with you lately, MJ. Girl weekend!” Gwen hoists herself up to sit on one of the tables. She swings her legs back and forth like an enthusiastic child.

 

Oh. “So you and Peter made up?” Of _course_ they did. How could Michelle set herself up to expect anything else? Gwen Stacy has a charm that could convince the mafia to leave New York, and even with his superpowered antics, Peter is just a boy.

 

“He didn’t tell you?” Gwen questions, shocked. “Peter said he left to go share the big news with you and Ned. Whatever, it’s better this way. I get to tell you the whole story tonight at my place. If you want to come over.”

 

Michelle rolls her eyes. “ _Fine_. But if your mom doesn’t make the raspberry cheesecake I’m leaving.” Mrs. Stacy’s raspberry cheesecake is the best thing Michelle has ever tasted, and Gwen makes a habit of telling her mom to make some whenever Michelle comes over. “Hey, uh, where is Peter, anyways?”

 

“Oh! He’s upstate. Uh, with May and her-- her new boyfriend! Yes. Tony Stark.” Gwen is an unbelievably bad liar, worse than Peter, and that’s ignoring the fact that everyone in the world knows about Tony Stark and Pepper Pots’ engagement.

 

“What about Tony Stark?” Flash yells as he walks into the library. “Is Parker feeding you lies again? You know, he doesn’t actually know him.”

 

“Shut up, Flash,” Ned says from the chair next to Michelle. When did he get here? “We get it, you’re envious of Peter.”

 

“Am not!”

 

“Flash, can it.” Betty rushes into the library with a few other team members as soon as Michelle finishes talking. “Alright, let’s get started with today’s practice.”

 

The only eventful thing to happen at practice was when Charles tripped over a stray book, and took a whole row of books down with him. He has to stay after to pick them up. Otherwise, it went like it usually did. Ned and Betty held hands underneath the table and Gwen made vomit actions to Michelle when they noticed. Peter’s absent didn’t go unnoticed, it never did when Flash is always on alert for him. Mr. Harrington was disinterested and flirted with the librarian whenever Michelle had the reigns, but today she actually flirted back. Score for Mr. Harrington.

 

Also, Michelle only thought about Peter twice during practice. That’s a new record.

 

“Michelle, do you mind if we walk to my house? This might be one of the last few good days we get before the cold sets in.”

  
“It’s September 10th--” Michelle begins to argue, but is cut off before she can say that it’s a thirty minute walk to Gwen’s apartment complex.

 

“Awesome! Let’s go.” Gwen takes Michelle’s hand as they walk the streets of Queens, Gwen always a few paces in front of her friend. They take a wrong turn eventually, so she decides to turn around and backtrack instead of pulling out their phones and asking Siri. All together, the trip takes forty-five minutes.

 

At least they had constant conversation. Gwen was talking in a fast, high pitched voice and everything, and hardly let Michelle talk. “Cindy convinced me to leave campus for lunch. We got hot dogs from that weird vender down the street. We would’ve invited you but I know that you can’t stand him. Also, you’re too tall to sneak out of the building, I think.”

 

“Gwen, wait. How about you tell me about you and Peter now?” She finally manages to say twenty minutes in. Curiosity was killing her.

 

“Right. So he climbs into my window at like, nine thirty-- from the fire escape!” Gwen quickly recovered, “And I was basically just like ‘I forgive you, Peter, and I get how fast we’ve been moving and I didn’t realize that it was scary for you,’ and then I asked him to homecoming. And he said yes!”

 

“Just like that?” Michelle asks.

 

“Just like that!”

 

Maybe it is time for her to stop hanging out with Peter. It’s getting to be too much to handle all by herself, and there’s no one she can turn to to help her out. Her two best friends are dating, one of whom is the one she’s in love with, and then her third best friend has an undying loyalty to Peter and would never keep a secret from him in his life. The one mother figure Michelle has is May, but May doesn’t know about the two of them and Michelle wants to keep it that way. “Hey, I devirginized your nephew” isn’t the best conversation starter.

  
Or, she could tell Gwen about everything. Peter would be so pissed it’d probably drive him away anyways, but maybe after the initial shock Gwen wouldn’t be _that_ mad. Afterall, she’s apparently cool with Peter being Spider-Man, and that’s a bigger secret than Peter and Michelle. Michelle feels like she’s going to burst-- into tears or anger-- if she doesn’t tell someone. And as Gwen starts to unlock her apartment, Michelle builds up the courage to say, “Gwen, there’s something I need to tell you.”

 

“Can it wait?” she replies as she swings the door open, turns the light on, and thirty people pop out of nowhere to yell, “Surprise!”

 

A happy birthday banner is hung up on the wall. Gifts are stuffed in a corner and there’s a table full of random treats-- cheetos, punch that for sure isn’t homemade, a crystal bowl full of gushers, and at the very end is Mrs. Stacy’s raspberry cheesecake. And covering a whole wall is pictures of Michelle. Michelle by herself, with her team, with her friends, with Peter. It must have taken forever.

 

Everyone on the Decathlon team is here, along with a bunch of people Michelle casually hangs out with and a small amount of the drama kids showed up. She’s never hung out with them before, she just assume they’re Gwen’s friends.

 

“I know it isn’t much,” Peter says from the front of the crowd. Michelle, her jaw still touching the floor from shock, looks over to Gwen, who shrugs her shoulders cockily. “But, it is _very_ last minute, and I spent all day doing this, so if you hate it, that means you must hate me.”

 

“It isn’t my birthday--”

 

“Which is what makes it such a good surprise party!” Ned chimes in, “Also, the one person here who actually knows your birthday wouldn’t tell us. He just vaguely said ‘mid-September’ and wouldn’t say anything else.” He lightly bumps Peter in the shoulder.

 

“I convinced my parents to give us the apartment tonight. The only thing is that we have to include my little brother, so just make sure he drinks the right punch and it’ll be okay,” Gwen says, her enthusiasm bouncing off the walls.

 

“Michelle Jones, legal adult, would never approve of underage drinking,” Peter jokes and grabs a beer from the counter. He holds it up to Michelle. “For the birthday girl?”

 

When she takes the beer from him and takes a drink, everyone cheers. Gwen is looking between her two best friends with such love, which makes Michelle’s stomach rip apart. Tonight she’s going to tell Gwen. It’s time she knows about Peter and Michelle. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at the time i'm posting this the story has 92 kudos, so let me be preemptive and say how thankful i am for (almost) 100 kudos! i hope you guys like this chapter

**michelle**

 

In a matter of four hours, Michelle fucked her life up  _ royally _ . Even though  refused to play any of the party games that made her spill her guts and or made her drink excessively, she did both of those things. Gwen was making Michelle feel guilty by just existing tonight, and she needed something to build courage. Michelle actually needed a  _ lot _ .

 

She probably wouldn’t have had that much to drink if Peter wasn’t hanging around her all night. If her drink got empty, he’d ask if she needed a refill, and if she, for a mere second, looked lonely in the corner he’d tell her to dance with him and Gwen. Most likely, it was her doing. Gwen has always wanted Michelle to be more vibrant at parties, and she knows that she’ll do it if Peter asks.

 

The first hour and a half was fine, actually. Michelle got a boy’s number, and despite the fact that she knew she’d never call him, it felt good.  _ Harry Osborn _ . He was so pretty that the angels would cry if they saw him, but Michelle can’t stand guys with an ego like his. However, he told her she’s beautiful. He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and said, “The stars have competition,” and even though Michelle isn’t sure if he meant the stars in the sky or the stars in Hollywood, she didn’t really mind.

 

But then he leaned in for a kiss. She pushed Harry back and he stumbled over a coat, then fell and almost hit his head on a table. Michelle apologized so many times she lost count, and he still gave her his number after that.

 

Still, she’s not going to call him.

 

Michelle danced a bit. She ate pizza with Ned in the corner while they talked about his plans for Homecoming. She watched as everyone else played Never Have I Ever, and as Peter got supposedly hammered because he’s done the most out of everyone. Everyone gasped when they found out Peter’s ran from the police before. Who would’ve guessed that second in his class Peter Parker would run from the cops?

 

If she had to pinpoint when exactly the night became a disaster, it was when everyone stopped playing the game. Gwen had to run to the bathroom, and when she did, Michelle pulled Peter aside.

 

He wasn’t drunk. She knew that, he knew that, but everyone else didn’t, so he had to poorly act like a drunk man. “WhatsupMmmmm?”

 

“I’m really sorry, Peter. I have to tell Gwen about us, okay? Cool.” Her stomach flipped into her throat when she said it. If that was hard, then telling Gwen is going to be twenty times harder. Michelle turns to walk away as soon as she lets out the last syllable, but Peter grabs her wrist.

 

“Are you--  _ Michelle-- _ what the hell?” He scowls at her as she tries to free herself from his grip. Peter isn’t hurting her or anything-- she just didn’t want to look at him longer than necessary. “Do I have to remind you whose idea it was so keep us a secret?”

 

“Yes, apparently. I wanted to keep us a secret from  _ strangers _ ,” she points to everyone else in the room in a manner she realizes is unneeded. “Not to our closest friends.”

 

“Ned only found out because--” Peter stops himself from finishing when he stares at something behind Michelle. She turns around and sees Betty walking up to them. “Follow me.”

 

He drags her into the hallway connected to the kitchen. Peter ducks under the tape that holds up the “Party people: DO NOT ENTER” sign, holding the tape up for Michelle, still holding onto her wrist. They walk into Gwen’s room.

 

“He only found out because he walked in on us making out. It was eating me up inside not being able to tell him for three months, and now you’re saying he could’ve known the whole time?” Rhetorical question. Peter knows Michelle’s answer to this. He’s ready for an argument that Michelle is ill prepared for.

 

She stutters out her words. “N-No, that’s not what I’m saying!” Michelle keeps her distance from him; his back is against the door and she’s across the room, leaning against the window. “I’m saying that  _ eventually _ I would’ve been ready to tell him. Anyways, I have to tell Gwen. I feel like--”

 

“Like what, Michelle? Shit? Do you feel like the worst person in the world for keeping a secret like this from someone you care about? Because in case you forgot, I’m going through the same thing you are.”

 

“I  _ know _ that,” she says through her teeth. “You specifically asked me not to tell her, and I’m over it, Parker. Every time she talks about the girl before her, and how Peter loved her, and how Gwen worries if she’s going to live up to her. I can’t sit through another one of those fucking conversations.” Michelle is light-headed, and her throat is closing up. She’ll never get used to yelling at Peter.

 

He’s silent for a long time. Peter walks a few feet forward until he sits down on Gwen’s desk chair, and then he slowly churns himself in the chair. “I’m sorry about that,” he eventually says. “I never should have dated your best friend.”

 

“I told you it’s fine.” It isn’t, but she’s trying to convince herself that it is.

  
“It’s  _ not _ . Last summer, Michelle, was the greatest summer of my life.”

 

“Peter--”

 

He shakes his head and launches himself off of the chair. As if building up courage, he gradually walks up to Michelle. “Let me finish. I felt like everything was finally right in my world, y’know? May just got promoted, Spider-Man hadn’t gotten his ass beaten in a long time, and I was so…  _ so… _ ” Peter searches for a word, the right word, a word that would make up for a year of separation.

 

“Serene?” she offers, and the lights in his head turn on and he takes another step forward.

  
“Thank you. I was in a state of serenity whenever I was with you, M. Every touch, every…” he lets out a deep sigh, “kiss, was making me feel lucky to be alive.”

 

“Stop it, Peter.”

 

“I’ve never felt that with Gwen,” he goes on, ignoring her. “And last night I came over here to break up with her. I really did.”

 

“But you  _ didn’t _ . You came over and told her you’d go to Homecoming with her.” She wishes to hate every word that’s coming out of Peter’s mouth, but she loves it all. He was going to break up with her. He misses being with her. He was happiest when he was with her.  _ He misses being with her _ .

 

“She practically pounced on me when I came in! Kept saying over and over how much I mean to her, and I felt so guilty. And then thirty seconds later we remembered about this party, so I didn’t have much time to think it through.”

 

“Whatever, Peter.” Michelle crosses her arms and scoffs. If she pretends like she doesn’t care, will he leave? The good person in her wants him to leave.

 

Every other part of her wants to kiss him.

 

“Listen, Michelle. No matter what you said back then, no matter what I said back, I’ve never stopped caring about you like that.” Another step closer. If she reached out arm’s length, she could run her fingers through his hair. “I have never stopped loving you.”

 

“ _ Stop it _ , Peter.” Tears are starting to well up in her eyes.

 

“Even after every time you yelled at me, after every time you almost broke my nose, after you told me--”

 

“Shut up, Peter. We aren’t talking about it.” 

 

One small step forward, and his hands fall to her hips. “ _ When you told me _ that I killed my uncle.” Michelle loses it now, and she starts sobbing uncontrollably. “I know you didn’t mean it,” Peter whispers, “It’s fine. It’s okay.”

 

That was the last night Peter and Michelle were a “couple,” or whatever you would call them. Michelle had just snuck out of her apartment after another horrid fight with her father, and went to Peter’s for comfort. She cried, he held her, and when she stopped, he said he loved her. Michelle is ashamed of herself for how the rest of the night went down. She can’t remember how they got to that point where she told Peter that. And when she did,  _ god _ , she had never seen Peter mad like that in her whole life.

 

They ignored each other at school for a few weeks after that. Peter didn’t show up for Decathlon practice, but apparently he did during the three days Michelle was sick. And then after Thanksgiving break, it was almost like nothing ever happened. Not the argument, not their relationship. He sat next to her at lunch and told her about his disaster of a Thanksgiving dinner, and she called him a loser, and they were right back where they were six months before.

 

Peter wipes the tears off of Michelle’s face. “Why couldn’t you just let me love you back then?” he says, dangerously close to her.

 

“I didn’t want you to,” Michelle lies. She’s never wanted anything more than to have Peter Parker love her. “I told you--”

 

“Stop using those ‘rules’ as a shield, Michelle. Tell me the real reason.”  Peter stares holes into her eyes.

 

“Because…” she starts, and feels Peter’s hands shift from her hips to her lower back. “I don’t deserve it. I’ll never deserve you.”

 

And in an instant, Peter kisses her like it will prove her wrong. His hands roam her body as if they never left. Her shock eventually wears off, and every rational part of her that is screaming “stop” is washed away when Peter kisses up her jaw and whispers raspily in her ear, “I love you.”

 

She kisses back. Michelle never thought that it would be different than it was a year ago. He’s more tender with her, more passionate, and it feels like he’s trying to hold onto every part of her and never let her go. Michelle forgot how his fingers twirled the hem of her shirt, and how he didn’t care if he lost his hand in Michelle’s wild curls. And she forgot how  _ euphoric _ the whole experience is. Peter Parker letting loose and being assertive is what Michelle lives for.

 

Except, as Peter kisses down her neck and unbuttons her top, she feels sick to her stomach. There are pictures of them-- Ned, Peter, Michelle,  _ Gwen _ \-- on the windowsill just  _ staring _ at her. A picture of Gwen kissing Peter on the cheek when they all went to Coney Island together. A picture of Gwen on Michelle’s back from last Easter. A picture of Michelle painting Ned’s toenails. It’s making her feel so guilty. Rightfully so, obviously, and it makes everything so much worse that she really doesn’t want to stop.

 

Peter notices Michelle stiffen. “You okay?” he says, his thumb rubbing her cheek, his puppy dog brown eyes that make her melt wide with concern. 

 

She nods in return. One more kiss and she’ll leave. Then, the one more turns into another, and another, and another until Michelle loses count. She won’t be able to face anyone after this, especially Gwen and  _ especially _ herself. Every kiss, although making her feel better than she has in a year, is making it harder to face herself when this is done.

 

Suddenly, Peter’s phone goes off. “Dammit,” he whispers breathlessly into Michelle’s mouth, and it sends shivers down her spine. “I’ve gotta go, and uh,” he stutters, his lips still grazing Michelle’s, “you know, whip around town and stop-- stop, uh…”

 

“Bad guys.” She nods, her hands holding the back of Peter’s neck.

 

“Right. Bad guys.” Peter closes the gap between them one last time, passionately sweeping her off of her feet, and puts her down a few seconds later. “Call me later?”

 

“Yeah, after the party ends. Promise.” She watches Peter pull the window up.

 

“Cool. Bye, MJ.” With that, he swings to another building, his mask already on.

 

Michelle buttons up her shirt as she watches him go further in the distance. “Love you,” she solemnly whispers to herself, and as soon as she says it the full weight on the situation crashes down on her.

 

She slides down the wall Peter had her pinned against and thinks she’s about to cry again. They are horrible people. Michelle has just betrayed her best friend by making out with her boyfriend. Gwen is never going to talk to either of them again, the whole school will know and they’re probably going to hate Michelle, too, but not Peter because he’s a guy and also  _ Peter Parker _ , one of the least hateable people at Midtown. She’s going to have to wash “whore” off of her locker while everyone laughs at her.

 

Michelle throws her head back and hits it against the wall. And now she’s just thinking about herself. Not Gwen, who Michelle has just hurt immensely. Gwen, Michelle’s only  _ girl _ friend, who is one of the nicest people she knows. Her  _ best _ friend. The girl who tried to help her get over Peter, and didn’t pry when Michelle said, “It doesn’t matter” when Gwen asked who it was. She made Michelle cookies and let her sleep at her house when things with Michelle’s parents got really bad, and she didn’t need to know why she needed a place to sleep, she just made room in her bed and gave Michelle a long hug when she layed down.

 

And Michelle has, like she always does, ruined everything with someone she cares about.

 

“Peter, Michelle, are either of you in here?” Gwen’s voice says from the otherside of the door. She opens it just enough to peek her head in and see Michelle sitting on her floor. “Oh my-- MJ, what’s wrong?”

 

Gwen falls to the ground next to her and throws her arms around her friend. “N-Nothing,” Michelle answers. Gwen obviously doesn’t believe her, but she doesn’t push.

 

“You button your shirt wrong,” Gwen giggles. “Are you upset because none of my clothes fit you? Oops, that sounds bitchy-- I just mean that I shop in the petit section and you’re a tall goddess.” She smiles brightly and fixes the buttons on Michelle’s shirt. “Anyways, do you know where Peter is? The people want cake, but I need you two out there for it.”

 

“Peter left. An emergency for Aunt May.” 

 

“I didn’t see him leave. Besides, he would’ve said goodbye.” Michelle hates dancing around the topic of Spider-Man.

 

“He-- He went down the fire escape. Said it was faster.”

 

“Peter was in here with you?”

 

“Well--” Michelle is fully prepared to lie to her. But when she looks into Gwen’s blue eyes, Gwen’s trusting and loving blue eyes, Michelle’s overwhelming guilt overcomes her. “Gwen, I have something to tell you.”

 

**___**

**peter**

 

**MJ: don’t come back to the party and don’t talk to gwen**

**MJ: she hates us**

**MJ: i’m so sorry peter**

 

Peter practically got his ass handed to him by a couple of measly robbers because he was so preoccupied with the relentless thoughts going through his head. The first few hits he took he was fine with, because oh god, how he deserved to to get hit. But after a while, and a head slam against a wall, he was sick of it.

 

Uncle Ben would be ashamed of him. Peter doesn’t know what came over him tonight. He can explain  _ last _ night; Peter’s never been good at saying “no” to someone when they look at him like Gwen looked at him, with eyes so hopeful he didn’t have the heart to say what he meant to tell her that night. But maybe that meant he had to give Gwen another chance, because MJ would never be with him again. Then, tonight she said that she’s going to tell Gwen everything, and Peter got scared. Scared because that meant Michelle was officially done with him, their little secret would no longer be something they kept between them, and if she told they would be one hundred percent over. They maybe would never talk again. Michelle would feel in debt to Gwen and try her hardest to make it up to her, because Michelle would do anything for her friends.

 

That’s just what it felt like to Peter.

 

So, he did go in that room with her to convince her not to tell Gwen. Those were his only intentions. However, then she said, “Every time she talks about the girl before her.” When she said that… Peter doesn’t really know why he told her all those things after that, he doesn’t know why he didn’t stop talking when MJ asked him to, and he really can’t explain why he felt so  _ good _ while he was kissing her. He realizes how immoral and wrong it all was, and afterwards he certainly does understand and feels all the guilt he’s supposed to be feeling, but  _ during _ \-- during he never wanted to stop.

 

But now he feels like shit. He couldn’t really explain it in any other way. There are no words for how much Peter hates himself right now.

 

**PETER: what happened at the party? i left early**

**NED: gwen HIT MJ**

**NED: she was yelling at her and shoving her and mj kept saying she was sorry or something idk then she hit her and kicked her out**

**NED: mj and i are at my house. she won’t talk to me**

**NED: what’d you do. i’m assuming this is your fault btw, it kinda always is**

 

He’s right. Peter hovers over the keyboard on his phone, unsure what to say next, and decides he should call Michelle first. He calls, no answer. Then again, and again. She doesn’t answer.

 

**PETER: is she okay?**

**NED: she’s locked herself in my room and i think she’s been crying**

**NED: i don’t think she wants to talk to you** **  
** **NED: that means don’t come to my house, peter**

 

That was going to be Peter’s next move. Ned, yet again, is right; Peter would probably only do more damage if he talked to MJ right now. He’d probably make everything so much worse if he talked to Gwen, so the only option is to go home and fret about tomorrow. And maybe do that for two more days, since he won’t see Gwen or Michelle until Monday. (Assuming neither of them would want to hang out with him, or yell at him.)

 

And that’s what Peter does. He changes into sweatpants and a sweatshirt and lies in bed, worrying about how he’s just ruined  _ everything _ . Gwen, who hates him, will tell the whole world how terrible he is, and how he’s Spider-Man. Rightfully so, he guesses. He wonders if Gwen will ever get over how much he hurt her, and for what? A few minutes of pleasure with MJ?

 

The thing is, he’d do anything for Michelle. He’s come to the realization that, if you only get  _ one _ person who you doubtlessly and uncontrollably love, like Uncle Ben was for Aunt May, Michelle is that person for Peter. He’ll never love anyone like he does Michelle.

 

But, he’s got his whole life ahead of him. Maybe he’s wrong.

 

He hopes he isn’t, if that means that she will doubtlessly and uncontrollably love him back.

 

Peter never should’ve said yes to Gwen, but he did. He did, and then he never should’ve kissed Michelle tonight. May raised him better than this.

 

Gwen is an amazing person. She volunteers at homeless shelters and has a few shifts a week at a cafe and hangs out with Peter almost every night while also balancing a 4.3 GPA. Sure, her volunteering and working just pads her college application up but that’s only part of the reason why she does it. Gwen is sweet and funny and pretty and Peter should  _ like _ her. He really,  _ really _  wanted to romantically like her, really,  _ really _ badly. When she kissed him, her lips were always soft and tasted like coconut because every time she hung out with Peter she always lathered on her chapstick. And kissing her was nice, he enjoyed it, but he never really felt anything other than the most simple form of joy.

 

He really is a terrible person.

 

Peter groans and yells into his pillow. A few seconds later, there was a knock on his door. “Sweetheart,” May yells, “Are you okay? Do you need help resetting a bone?”

 

“Not really,” he says back.

 

May pokes her head into his room. “You don’t need help resetting a bone or you aren’t okay? I just watched this YouTube video on how to reset bones so I think next time will be better than the last time I did it.”

 

“My bones are all fine, May,” Peter lets out a single, dull laugh, and watches as May sits at the end of his bed.

 

“Then what’s wrong, Peter?” She reassuringly rubs his shin.

 

“Well, I got my ass beat--”

 

“ _ Peter _ .”

 

“Sorry, I got beat up tonight because I was distracted because of this really horrible thing I did which includes a whole story that I never told you about for over a year, and I’m really sorry for that, by the way.” Peter’s throat feels like it’s closing up as he sees May furrows her eyebrows in fear or extreme worry. It’s hard to tell.

 

“You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to, if you kept it from me for so long.”

 

“No, no,” he shakes his head maybe a little too much. “No, I want to tell you. Uh, so a year ago I started dating MJ-- well dating isn’t really the right term, we kinda just had a thing going on where we made out a lot and had s--” He stops himself before he gets too far, but May isn’t stupid, she can fill in the blank.

 

“Oh, sweetie, I know. You really think that when I came in your room every Sunday morning to get your laundry I didn’t see you cuddling Michelle? You didn’t notice when I shoved a mega box of condoms in your sock drawer?” He did notice, he just thought it was another one of her monthly ‘be safe’ jokes, and that month she had gone a bit too far. Peter never asked her about it and she never brought it up.

 

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

 

She takes a deep breath and stares at her nephew, her face stoic. “I always just assumed that if things got serious between you two-- more serious than sex, which is a  _ very _ serious thing, Peter Parker--” she points her finger at him and then continues talking, “that you’d want to tell me.”

 

“But things  _ were _ serious, May.” Peter crosses his legs and sits a few feet closer to his aunt. “I was in love with her. And-- and I still am.”

 

She furrows her brow once again. “What about Gwen?” Peter doesn’t answer and he stares down at his hands. May gets the hint. “Oh, Peter,” she says in a whisper.

 

“I know. And tonight we had this birthday party for MJ, and I kinda ditched school to set up for it, and she was wearing the blue button down you bought but didn’t like and then gave to her, and then we got into this argument and I--” He throws his head into his hands.

 

“You what, Peter?” May asks, rubbing his back.

 

“I kissed her. For ten minutes, I think. I unbuttoned her shirt and I think we would’ve gone farther if my phone didn’t go off. And I think Michelle told Gwen after I left.” He keeps his head buried so he doesn’t have to look at May.

 

“ _ Peter _ ,” she hisses, her hand freezing in motion, but then she coughs and returns to what she was doing before. “You shouldn’t have done that, Peter.”

 

“I  _ know _ .”

 

“Look at me,” she demands. When he doesn’t, she physically lifts his head up with her own hand. “Peter Benjamin Parker, you did a terrible thing to that girl. Being cheated on is a horrible feeling, and one that takes a very long time to get over.”

 

“I  _ know _ ,” he repeats. “I’m a shit excuse for a superhero, aren’t I?”

 

May shakes her head, “Don’t ever say that again, Peter. You are a teenager first. Teenagers, superpowered or not, are reckless and stupid and usually don’t have any regard for anyone but themselves. But you, Peter, are the most selfless seventeen year old I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Your one, as terrible as it may be, mistake does not define you.”

 

“My two mistakes,” he reminds her, and she understands immediately. 

 

“How many times do I have to tell you this? You didn’t cause his death.” She brings Peter into a hug and whispers, “He would be so proud of you, don’t forget that. Maybe not in this very moment, but proud nonetheless.”

 

“What should I do?” His voice cracks as he speaks, his head resting on her shoulder.

 

“I don’t know. You have to figure it out for yourself. However, when all is said and done and things are over with Gwen, I think you and Michelle should have a talk. And if you really love her like you say, ask her out again. But things need to finish with Gwen, first,  _ Peter _ .”

 

He nods his head, “Of course. And I really do love her, May, but it doesn’t make this better.”

 

“It really doesn’t.”

 

He and May talk for another hour, and she mostly chastises him, but overall it made him feel like maybe he wasn’t the worst person. She took his laptop away, though, and was about to take his phone when she tossed it to him and said, “Good luck, sweetheart.”

 

**GWEN: come outside. we have to talk.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drama! yay!


	6. Chapter 6

**peter**

 

He walks out of the main door and sees Gwen sitting on the front steps. This is the second fight they’re going to be having out here, and probably the last they’ll ever have.

 

Peter clears his throat. Gwen doesn’t turn around, even when he says, “What’d she tell you?”

 

“I stopped her at the Fourth of July. She really unloaded everything on me,” Gwen lets out a scoff, “Including what happened tonight.”

 

“Gwen--” Peter walks a pace forward. She shakes her head, and did he hear her struggling to breathe a bit? Is she crying?

 

“Don’t. I’m just here to give you all your stuff back.” She picks up a box that was sitting at her feet and doesn’t turn around when she places it behind her. He can see a few sweatshirts in it, the phone case Gwen borrowed, and a yellow crop top that was not his. 

 

“This isn’t mine,” he says quietly. He can’t get out all the apologies he wants to say to her.

 

“Some of the things in there are-- are um,” her voice wavers and she rubs her eyes. “They’re Michelle’s. I’m sure you’ll be seeing her soon, anyways.”

 

“I am--”

 

“‘So sorry.’ Whatever you said, she already told me. Don’t bother.” She lifts herself up and starts walking away.

 

“Gwen, please just listen to me. Thirty seconds. And I promise not to talk to you again.” She stops walking but keeps her back turned to Peter, and he takes that as his que to speak. “I can’t apologize enough. You didn’t deserve that, and you deserve so much better than me, you deserve  _ so much _ , Gwen. A guy who really loves you.”

 

She turns around, finally looking at him, and interrupts his thirty seconds. Her eyes are puffy and her cheeks are tear stained and Peter wants to reverse time so she wouldn’t have to feel like this. “Were you just using me to make her jealous? Was this just a twisted revenge plot?”

 

“ _ No _ , Gwen.”

 

“Cut the bullshit, Peter. She told me what you said about how you never stopped loving her. So were you just with me to get over her?” Peter looks down at his feet. “It didn’t work then, did it? Fuck you, Peter. Fuck you and fuck her and fuck all the times you two acted like you cared about me.”

 

Peter acts fast and tries to put all the words in his head into coherent sentences. He doesn’t want her to forgive her-- in all honesty, he doesn’t deserve it-- he wants Gwen to not be upset. And he knows that all the words in the English dictionary won’t help, but it’s worth a shot.

 

“We do care about you,” he starts, his voice cautious. Gwen rolls her eyes but stays to hear what he has to say. “And we should’ve told you about what happened last year, but-- But honestly, Gwen, you and I--” He pauses. “I never should have said yes when you asked me out. It wasn’t fair to you, because I was still in love with her, and I  _ liked _ you, but--”

 

“That’s great to hear,” she sarcastically remarks, her voice wavering and her eyes welling up again. “I  _ loved _ you, Peter. When I was with you I felt like I was the only thing in the world that mattered. And all the boys I dated before had superiority complexes and would tear me down to make themselves feel better, but  _ you _ \--”

 

“Gwen…” Peter tries to say, but his voice gives out when he opens his mouth.

 

“ _ You _ were the only one who treated me with respect. I should’ve known that you’re just a pig like the rest of them. Don’t talk to me on Monday. And you can pass that message along to your little girlfriend, okay?” A tear rolls down her cheek when she says her last words, she doesn’t bother to wipe it away, and Peter has never felt worse.

 

He watches her walk away and considers suiting up and following her home, just in case she accidentally stumbles onto trouble. As he watches her go further and further, though, he decides against it. If she saw him, she’d hate him even more (if that’s possible.)

 

Peter grabs the box of his and Michelle’s stuff and walks back up the stairs to his apartment. He knows he won’t be able to sleep, or concentrate on any homework, so he divides what is his and what is not. Peter finds a shirt he’s been looking for for a while and three books that belong to him, so nothing monumental. MJ, though, has a necklace, a bunch of notes paperclipped together that they must’ve gave each other in school last year, a drawing MJ gave to Gwen, and on the very bottom is a sketchbook that Peter’s never seen before. On the inside of the cover, Gwen wrote:  _ So you never run out of paper, I also gave you $20. I love you best friend, happy 18th!  _ She must have taken out the $20.

 

Peter bursts into tears. He cries and cries until May runs out of her room, having heard him, and envelopes him into a hug, where he cries some more. Peter ruined  _ everything _ . He ruined things with Gwen and probably sent her into years of self doubt, he ruined Gwen’s relationship with MJ and Peter knows how much Michelle cares for Gwen, and how happy she was to finally have someone she can really talk to (other than Peter, but that’s besides the point.) And he probably ruined things with MJ, too. Maybe Ned, if he does the smart thing and sides with Gwen when she tells everyone what happened on Monday.

 

“It’s okay,” May whispers, rocking her nephew back and forth. “Everything’s going to work out eventually.”

 

___

**michelle**

 

“MJ, if you’re going to stay here tonight, you have to try to not let my parents know,” Ned says from the bottom of the bed. She let him back into his room an hour ago, thinking it was selfish to lock herself in. She still hasn’t answered any of his questions, besides when he asked if she wanted water. “It’s just that they’d kill me if they knew I have a girl in my room.”

 

Michelle nods, “No, I get it. Not every parent is an Aunt May.” They both let out a chuckle, which is soon replaced with a weird silence. “So I can stay here tonight? If my parents catch me sneaking in--”

 

“It’s all good. I’ll sleep on the floor.” He reaches around and grabs a pillow and throws it on the ground. When Ned goes for a blanket, Michelle wraps her hands around it.

 

“No, Ned. I will.” She tugs a bit on the blanket hoping he’ll let go.

 

“You’ve had a rough night,” he starts, “and besides, the guest gets the bed. That’s why whenever my uncle stays with us I sleep on the couch.”

 

“Ned, I’m sleeping on the floor,” she says sternly. His floor isn’t uncomfortable, at least from what she can remember. Two years ago, Ned’s parents went out of town, so he invited her and Peter over, and she fell asleep on the floor on accident. It’s a grey carpet and soft against your feet, and there’s no way she’s letting him sleep on the ground. Even if it was rock solid wood, she would still argue until he gave up.

 

Ned lets go of the blanket. “ _ Fine _ . But let me get some other blankets for you to sleep on.” He stands up, opens his door quietly, and tiptoes his way to the closet.

 

Meanwhile, Michelle’s phone starts to vibrate next to her.  _ PETER PARKER is calling _ , her phone says, with a backdrop of his face. She hesitates when she goes to grab it. Even though she  _ wants _ to, Peter is the last person she should be talking to right now. Michelle might still have a chance to right things with Gwen, and that might be more important than a boy.

 

She waits for the notification of a voicemail, and she puts her phone up to her ear to listen. “Um, hey, MJ. This is a little weird but, uh, Gwen came by and dropped a bunch of my stuff off and there’s a bunch of your things in here too. And-- and I know you’re at Ned’s but I won’t come around and bother you.” Peter takes a long pause, long enough for Michelle to check if he ended the voicemail there, but he continues eventually. “I’m really sorry for tonight. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

 

His voice goes dead again, and this time when Michelle checks, there’s nothing of the voicemail left.

 

**___**

 

For two weeks, Michelle was able to avoid Peter, Gwen, and almost everyone else that knew of what happened that night. (That includes Cindy, who has been snubbing her in the halls anyways, and Ned. Michelle still talks to Ned, though, when Peter isn’t around.) She never asked for her things back, but one night after coming home from school, she finds the box on her bed. Michelle has yet to go through it. She, also, told Mr. Harrington that there was a family emergency that included her, so she couldn’t attend Decathlon practice until further notice. 

 

Those two weeks were the slowest of her life. She felt so  _ lonely _ . Those first two days at school, people would walk up to Michelle asking, “Why did Gwen hit you?” but she never said anything back. They weren’t interested in talking to her, either, they were interested in being in on the drama. So she was still isolated from her friends, the only people she really had in life, and it sucked.

 

Peter texts her everyday. He always apologizing and wondering what he can do so Michelle won’t be mad at him, because he misses her book recommendations, or so he said. And she isn’t  _ mad _ at him. She doesn’t trust herself to talk to him everyday without kissing him, now that she’s reminded of the feeling.

 

Michelle knows he and Gwen are broken up. Ned told her during lunch once when Peter was gone. “Oh,” she said. “Okay.”

 

Ned rolled his eyes and told her to “get your man back.” Before they could delve more into the topic, Michelle said she had cramps and needed to go to the nurse. She wasn’t going to talk about it. She didn’t  _ want _ to talk about it.

 

Everything was going fine until one night when she got home. Her parents’ argument raged on for hours, so long that it was nine and they hadn’t started dinner. Their screams drowned out the other usual sounds that came from her apartment complex, like the dubstep from the person upstairs or the creaking pipes. Michelle heard, “Ungrateful slut mother with an ungrateful slut daughter,” coming from her father. And, after the fourteen days Michelle had just endured, she decides it’s the final straw for her. Who knows how far she’s gonna go, or if she’ll even stay gone, but she pulls down a suitcase from her closet and shoves a bunch of her clothes in it.

 

With that in hand and her backpack on, she just walks out of her room and through the front door, and they don’t say anything. To her, at least. Her mother was too preoccupied yelling, “Well, I hope she gave you herpes, Ronald.”

 

Michelle just starts walking in a random direction, letting her subconscious drive her. It takes her a dozen blocks before she realizes where she’s going, and she takes a sharp turn to avoid it. Alas, it was too late, because as soon as she turns, Spider-Man lands in front of her. “Where are you going?” he wearily demands.

 

“Oh, hey, dude.” She gives Peter a half nod and can feel the knots in her stomach intensify. “I’m giving my stuff to Goodwill. Charity.”

 

“At ten thirty? Michelle, really, where are you going?”

 

“I’m waiting for a sign to tell me to go to the bus station to get out of Queens.” She’s only kind of joking when she said that.

 

“What about your parents?”

 

“I’ve been gone an hour and they haven’t called. They don’t give a shit about me.” She leans against the brick wall, avoiding eye contact with him.

 

“I’m sure that’s not true.” He scoffs a bit. Everybody in Peter’s life  _ wanted _ him, but his parents died when he was little, and his uncle a few years ago. Aunt May has loved him for the three of them, and also for herself. She doesn’t think he fully grasps the fact that some parents don’t love their kids. “Anyways, what about school? Decathlon? Your friends?”

 

“I can enroll on online classes and get my degree and I’ll still be able to go to Columbia, if they accept me. Decathlon-- I kind of quit that. My  _ friends _ I successfully pushed them all away.” He stammers for something to say, but there’s nothing left to talk about. She’s convincing herself more and more that this can work.

 

“What about me?”

 

“Really, P--” she stops and looks around to see if anyone was walking by them. “ _ Really, Peter _ ? It’s been two weeks since we last talked and you have the audacity to say that?”

 

“Hey, I tried! I texted you over and over--”

 

“You should’ve gotten the message! Or is your skull too thick?” Her voice booms and echos somewhat, and it makes Peter step back. It hurts to imagine what his brown eyes look like under that mask right now. 

 

“Are you afraid of hurting Gwen again?” he speaks quietly, and at some point she heard his voice crack.

 

Michelle furrows her eyebrows. “Yes. Very much so, dude.” She isn’t sure where the ‘dude’ thing is coming from, maybe it’s just because she can’t call him  _ Peter _ right now.

 

“Ned talked to Gwen and she said she doesn’t care what we do. And we don’t have to date or anything, I just want to talk to you, again.”

 

“Did she say it like, ‘Oh, I don’t care what they do. It isn’t my business.’ Or, ‘No I don’t  _ care _ what the hell they do, it’s not my fucking business.’ Because those are very different ways of saying it.”

 

“God, I don’t know, I wasn’t there. It doesn’t matter, anyways, Michelle. We did what we did, and no matter if you wish to be able to change it, you can’t. Horrible person or not,” he tries to lighten the mood but sees Michelle’s face remain stoic and continues, “You don’t belong on the streets.”

 

“Arguable,” she says it so quietly she’s not even sure if  _ she _ heard it.

 

He did hear it, however, by whatever superpowered way he possesses. “Why do you think you aren’t worthy of good things, MJ? Just because you said and did a few bad things doesn’t mean you--”

 

“You don’t  _ get it _ , Peter.” She takes a risk by saying his name. Michelle hadn’t seen someone walk by them recently, and who knew how many Peter’s there are in Queens. “From day one, your parents hardwired into you that you were  _ loved _ and  _ wanted _ and that there was nothing that could stop them from cherishing their son. And even when they passed, you had two people that were just as loving and supporting and took you in as  _ their _ son. _ My _ parents told me over and over that I’m a mistake, that they never wanted me, that I’m an unlovable little girl. You try hearing that every day and never believe it.” 

 

This isn’t how she wanted to tell Peter about her home life. She’d always imagined it being some thought out and well articulated plan, not standing next to a scary looking alleyway while practically sobbing out her every word. 

 

“Michelle--” he takes a step towards her, his arms outstretched going to grab her, but she rapidly shakes her head.

 

“Don’t touch me,” Michelle whispers out.

 

“I’m so sorry. But, they’re wrong, Michelle. They’re so,  _ so _ wrong. And I’m also sorry because I can’t just let you leave like this. I’m taking you to talk to May.”

 

“Wh--” He pulls her close with his web shooters and holds her there, and then they launch in the air. 

 

___

 

Peter is shocked when he finds out that May’s known about Michelle’s situation for a long time. “Excuse me? You never did anything?” He’s changed out of his Spider-Man suit and is now in sweatpants and a sweater.

 

“She always begged me not to,” May says, comfortably holding onto Michelle’s hand. “I always offered her a place to sleep, or even live, but she always refused.”

 

A few years ago, before Michelle and Peter’s fling started, she had snuck out of the house after another terrible fight with her parents. She wondered the city for a while, just trying to clear her head, when she accidentally rammed her shoulder into May Parker, making her groceries splatter all across the sidewalk. When Michelle cried about it, May said over and over that it wasn’t a big deal, that she gets unusually big discounts on her groceries. Michelle, when she had somewhat calmed down, rashly told her that she was crying about her shitty parents. 

 

And for a while, it was nice to console in someone. May tried to reassure her that it wasn’t her fault, and that she could always kick Peter to the couch for a night, or even a week. Once she even threatened to call CPS, but Michelle quickly said, “No! No it’s fine. Don’t call. Please?” She felt in debt to her parents for some reason, even though they were terrible to her, and she couldn’t bare it if  _ she _ was responsible for them getting in trouble.

 

May seemed to understand, and again stressed on having an empty room for her available.

 

Then, Michelle started things up with Peter, and it felt awkward to talk to May in private. The last time she talked to May about her parents was a few months after she ended things, and Michelle felt uncomfortable to be in his house again. She never talked to May about it again, until now.

 

“It wasn’t even the worst it’s ever been,” Michelle admits, feeling very aware of every move Peter makes. “But after everything that’s happened recently, I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

 

“Oh, honey, I heard. And let me just say, stop pushing everyone away.” May’s voice turns stern and it makes Michelle dart her head up to look at her, because that is  _ not _ what she expected her to say. “I know you’ve been beating yourself up about this whole thing so I won’t add to it, however, when you’re alone in this world everything is so much harder. Trust me, I know. Ask for forgiveness from Gwen, and if she doesn’t give it to you, it doesn’t mean you aren’t deserving of pursuing happiness without her.”

 

“But--”

 

“But nothing, sweetheart. The only thing I want for you is to be happy,” May leans forward on her chair and throws her arms around Michelle, pulling her into a long hug. “And you’re staying the night. I, also, don’t want you on the streets this late at night. Peter, make a bed for yourself on the couch.”

 

“Got it, May,” Peter says enthusiastically. He returns with a few blankets and a pillow in a quick minute, then plops them on the couch without care. “Do you want me to replace the sheets on my bed for you, M?”

 

“It’s fine,” Michelle responds, even though she’s hoping he knows better and doesn’t listen to her.

 

“I’ll do it anyways.” 

 

Next to her, May tells Michelle that she’s headed for bed. “Wake me if there are any issues, okay?” Michelle nods, but knows she won’t need to, because the next few minutes are consumed by Peter running back and forth, trying to make her feel comfortable here. He’s doing it out of guilt, and she knows it. Peter feels guilty because he should have assumed something was wrong at home, but he never did, so he’s trying to make up for it by offering to make her spaghetti when it’s nearing midnight. At least, that what Michelle thinks. He  _ did _ offer to make spaghetti, which she said yes to, but then he realized they didn’t have any noodles. 

 

“I can make mac and cheese,” Peter tells her after looking through his cabinets. “Unless you want something else, but I’d have to get May up--”

 

“Mac and cheese sounds good, Peter.”

 

As he starts boiling the water, Michelle rests her head on the counter in front of her. She’s so  _ tired _ , but also starving, and if she had one more second of silence she might pass out. She didn’t get that, though.

 

“I--I know it’s not any of my business,” Peter starts after almost dropping the pot of water in the sink. “But, why’d you tell May and not me? I mean, you hardly know her.” There’s a hint of bitterness hiding behind his concern.

 

“You had this way of looking at me, that I was perfect and my whole life was perfect and if I told you, I was just convinced that you wouldn’t look at me like that anymore. Instead you’d just pity me.” She slips her arms underneath her head on the counter.

 

Peter’s quiet when he carefully carries the pot over to the stove. “There’s that much power behind a look?”

  
“Just your’s. I think it’s because of who you are, y’know? Selfless, most of the time, and caring and  _ Spider-Man _ .” Michelle closes her eyes, knowing if she fell asleep right now Peter would carry her to his bed. It’s a nice feeling, being sure of that.

 

“Wow,” is what he musters out. “Well, do you think I look at you any differently?”

 

She picks her head up and Peter is on the other side of the counter, and they lock eyes. A small smile grows on his face, and it causes Michelle to smile back. “Kind of.” She shrugs and hops off her chair, then goes to the fridge and takes out a Coke.

 

“‘Kind of?’ What does that mean?” Peter takes the Coke from her, opens it, and gives it back.

 

“Okay, that right there. I can open my own Coke, Parker. I don’t need to be  _ saved _ , or  _ helped _ , and that’s how you look at me now. I can take care of myself just fine.” Just to make a point, she shoves the Coke into his chest, gets another one from the fridge, and opens it herself.

 

Peter stutters. “I don’t think you need to be saved. I don’t think of you any different.”

 

“No, I think you do. You can’t just learn something like that about someone and not have them be altered in your mind. Like when I found out you were Spider-Man. At first, I thought you were a flake with no morals.  _ After _ , I thought you were a flake with  _ exceptional _ morals.” Michelle returns to her seat and watches Peter scramble for what to say next.

 

He ignores her last comment. “It’s different, though.” Peter leans forward on the countertop, and even though he’s a few feet away he still feels so close. “I-- I still think you’re perfect.”

 

Michelle swallows dryly. “Peter--” 

  
“I know what you’re going to say, but just wait. I agree that what happened the other weekend was really terrible and it shouldn’t have happened. However, have you seen Gwen at school recently? She’s laughing a lot more and smiling whenever I see her in the hallway, and I think she even said ‘Hi’ to me yesterday during Decathlon. Maybe she’d be okay with it. With us.” Peter is so hopeful, his eyes so wide and begging Michelle to agree. She’s almost ready to. “I want to make us work, Michelle. I want the whole thing with you. The dates, the hand holding in public, the annoying PDA on the subway.”

 

Peter goes to take her hands, and she lets him. “I think you’re so amazing,” he continues. “I think you’re the most beautiful, loveable girl in all of Queens, and I’m not just saying that to make you feel better. I mean it, MJ. I love you.”

 

The water starts to boil. Peter breaks eye contact with her for a split second, but Michelle doesn’t move. She keeps staring at him, at the boy who has confessed his love for her twice this month, and she wonders if she should start doing the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is the epilogue, but if you like my writing, then don't worry! i have an idea for another spideychelle story!


	7. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before you read this, i'd just like so say a big thank you to everyone! thank you so so much for reading and commenting and giving a kudos, because it really means a lot. i haven't finished a project in the longest time, and to have so much support while doing it means the world to me. also, i'll probably post a new story within a week or two, but the updates won't be as frequent as this story because school is starting soon. anyways thank you, and i hope you guys like this final chapter! it's a bit short but i hope you don't mind (i'm bad at epilogues :/)

Four days before Christmas break, Gwen unexpectedly walked up to Michelle before second period. She had box in her hand and it was wrapped in golden wrapping paper.

 

They hadn’t talked since homecoming, and even then it was a little uncomfortable. Michelle had found herself standing next to Gwen, and when neither of them talked for a while, Gwen poked Michelle on the shoulder and said, “You two are really cute together.”

 

“Wh-- Us? No. He’s just my escort tonight.”

 

Gwen laughed and, having spotted one of her friends, skipped away from Michelle. And even after she came back to Decathlon, they never said a word to each other, unless Michelle was asking questions to the whole team.

 

“Hey, MJ,” Gwen quietly said that day. “I’ve gotta head to class quick but-- this is for you.” She holds the golden box out for Michelle to take.

 

Michelle hesitantly grabs it. “Seriously? Why?”

 

“Well, my mom’s been telling me a load of horseshit recently about forgiving and forgetting and blah blah blah. But she said one thing that I liked. ‘A life spent hating is a life wasted,’ or whatever. And I just--” Gwen adjusts her posture so she’s standing up straight, and then takes a deep breath. “I’ve missed you, and I don’t feel like hating you. Either of you.”

 

“Well, uh, thank you. For the gift. And, I’ve missed you, too.” Gwen turned around to leave, but as she did a thought popped into Michelle’s mind. “Gwen, why didn’t you ever tell anyone about Peter being…” Gwen turned around and Michelle mouthed ‘ _Spider-Man_ ’. “It was really great of you that you never did that.”

 

“About that…” Gwen bit down on her lip and rocked back and forth on her heels. “I tried telling a lot of people that Monday when we came back. A few people seemed to believe me, but then Flash stood up on a table during lunch and shouted ‘There’s no way Parker’s Spider-Man, guys. He can hardly bench press!’ And everyone seemed to agree with him. Seems like Peter didn’t need to keep me around that long, after all.”

 

“That’s not why, Gwen. He still cares about you.”

 

“It’s fine, MJ. Really. Anyways, I have physics, so… Have a good break.” Gwen walked backwards a few steps until she waved and turned around.

  
  


When Michelle got to English, she delicately unwrapped the present when she sat down. It’s a necklace she always saw in Gwen’s jewelry box, a simple gold chain with a gold outline of a heart hanging off it. Michelle wears it to the next Decathlon practice, and every Decathlon practice after, and Gwen smiles at her every time.

 

Michelle hasn’t been home since the night Peter found out. Her dad called once, and fear ran through her as soon as she saw the notification, because she thought her week of bliss at the Parker’s was over. He had only called to ask her where the remote was, though.

 

Peter got most of her clothes and other important things out of her room that weekend. He was there when Michelle picked up the phone, and was sad with her when the only thing her dad cared about was the remote. “That’s it then,” Peter said after a while, “Casa de Parker is now casa de Parker/Jones.”

 

Michelle finally felt like she was apart of a home, after that. When she sent her early college applications, she wrote down the Parker’s address. She ate dinner with them every night, and no one yelled or threatened. And while she was getting ready for homecoming, May took a photo of Michelle in her dress, which is now on the fridge. There are so many more moments and Michelle can’t wait to reminisce on them all.

 

The best moment, though, was Christmas. Peter’s jaw dropped when she told him she’d never had a real Christmas before. “We’re pulling out all the stops this year. We have to decorate a tree together, and make cookies for Santa, and stay up until an ungodly hour watching Christmas movies. Oh, and mistletoe.”

 

“Ha, ha. You’ve never done mistletoe before, Parker.”

 

Peter crosses his legs on the couch. “Okay, but this year could be the year we start a new tradition.” He leans forward enough for their lips to graze, but Michelle pulls back before the gap between them completely closes.

 

“Maybe,” she says slyly, and grabs for the bowl of chips on the coffee table.

 

They did everything Peter suggested, even mistletoe. (Which Aunt May loved, because she’d give sloppy, embarrassing kisses on the cheek whenever Ned was over.) They decorated the tree, but Michelle found it boring and overhyped, and when they made the cookies she let Peter do all the work while she sat on the counter and ate the dough. Everything felt right, though, like this was where Michelle is supposed to end up after all these years of misery.

 

“Let’s do this again next year,” she lets slip out as she sticks another spoonful of cookie dough in her mouth.

 

“Next year?” Peter’s body stiffens and he cranes his neck around to look at her. “There’s going to be a next year?”

 

 _Shit_ . Did she really say that? “Um, I mean, I don’t know. The world might end soon, so, who _really_ knows.” Michelle hopes the world ends now, because she really didn’t mean to tell Peter that.

 

He turns around so she can see his face. He’s smiling. Peter puts his hands on the sides of her knees when he walks up to her. “I mean, I hope there’s a next year. I really want to do this again.” When he leans in for a kiss, she doesn’t move away.

 

Officially, they are “boyfriend/girlfriend.” They will sometimes hold hands during class, and Michelle is just now comfortable enough to let Peter kiss her on the cheek when they go separate ways during school. It didn’t happen right away, after that night, though. He told her, “I love you,” and she responded, “I think you can put the macaroni in the water, now.”

 

After that, he was kind of distant. Peter never outright avoided her, but she felt like she used to see him in the hallways a lot more before. And although coldly, he still talked to her, and still sat next to her on the couch, provided there was five feet between them at all times.

 

Things didn’t start up again between them until one night when Peter was late for curfew. Since he had given Michelle his room (which she felt incredibly guilty about, by the way,) he woke her up when he crawled through the window.

 

Michelle didn’t bother to open her eyes, but she sheepishly yawned, “Hey, Peter.”

 

“Oh, shit. Did I wake you? Sorry, M.” She heard him press the button on his suit and then him trying to get out of it quietly. Peter opened a drawer, took something out of it, then said, “Goodnight, MJ.”

 

“Wait, get back here, Parker.” Michelle pushed herself up with her hands so she was sitting up and leaned over to turn the light on. For a second, she got distracted. He hadn’t put on his sweatshirt yet, so he was just standing there, shirtless, with _those_ abs. “I have a question for you,” she eventually said.

 

“I’m an open book,” he lied, and they both knew it.

 

“Are you mad at me because I didn’t say it back? Last week. You know what I’m talking about.”

 

Peter twirled the sweatshirt in his hands. “No, I’m not mad. If I was mad, that would be ridiculous. You just don’t l-- And it’s cool. I’m not mad. Is that all? I’m tired.” He rushed his words and went to grab the door handle.

 

Where the courage came from, Michelle still doesn’t know. Maybe it’s from finally knowing what love really is, after experiencing it in its purest form, and knowing now that what she feels for him is real. “Peter, I-- I do, though. Love you,” she quickly spits out, because if she didn’t do it then, she probably never would have.

 

“What?” he croaked out, his grasp on the doorknob slowly becoming weaker. “You-- You what?”

 

Michelle brings her knees to her chest and holds them close to her, like they will protect her from the blow if, all of a sudden, Peter changed his mind and didn’t want to be with her. “I… love you. I’m in love with you.” And when she said it again, she realized how much she wished to go back in time. Michelle _wanted_ to be with Peter. She had never wanted anything more, but… But, _Gwen_.

 

There was no going back, though. As soon as Peter smiled at her, Michelle was gone. He cautiously walked over to the bed, grinning ear to ear. “Seriously?”

 

She rolled her eyes. “No, you’re on _Punk’d_ . Ashton Kutcher, come on out!” Peter sat at the end of her feet, and when he looked at her like _that_ , she immediately softened. “Yes, Peter. I love you. It’s impossible not--”

 

Peter didnt let her finish her sentence, and he placed his hand on her knee and pressed his lips against her’s. “I love you, too,” he says, only a small gap between them. She lengthened her legs out, and Peter adjusts himself so he’s in between them. With one hand caressing her face and another on her left thigh, he kisses her again. And again, so much so that Michelle was convinced she was dreaming.

 

They didn’t tell anyone until Homecoming. Well, they told Ned and May, but they aren’t ‘anyone.’ Ned freaked out and stubbed his toe while running around the apartment screaming, “And you just thought I was annoying when I told you to get back together. I knew this would happen! I knew it!”

 

Peter and Michelle wore matching outfits, maroon and gold, and even though she refused to dance, there was one song where he made her. Of course, a slow dance, and he kissed her, even though she told him no PDA at school. Michelle didn’t really mind.

 

And despite May telling them to stay in separate rooms, Peter always found a way to sleep in the same bed as Michelle. May definitely knew, that Michelle can guarantee, but she never said anything. Michelle’s grateful for that. Falling asleep in Peter’s arms, and waking up to a gentle kiss on the cheek-- those are the best feelings in the world to Michelle. She hates to imagine a time when she doesn’t get to experience that.

 

Peter tells her he loves her at random times. He once passed a note during an English exam that read: _Hey, MJ. I love you. Good luck on your test. Love, Peter_ . Other times include when she’s silently reading a book, or she sarcastically calls him stupid while doing homework, or on Christmas Eve, when she’s yelling at him to just _pick a damn movie already._

 

“I appreciate that you want my first Christmas Marathon to be special, but fuck, Peter. We’ve been sitting here for thirty minutes and you need to--”

 

Peter throws his arm around Michelle and pulls her close. “I love you,” he whispers, almost like he can’t believe he’s able to tell her, and then finally presses play on _A Christmas Story_. “It’s a classic. You’re going to love it.”

 

And even though she hears it all the time, every single day, Michelle’s cheeks still blush when she hears it. She will say it back sometimes, like on nights that _feel_ important, because she still isn’t comfortable with shouting it from the rooftops like he is. She said it to him at homecoming, for example. And tonight.

 

“I love you, too, Peter.” Michelle rests her head on the curve of his neck and watches the majority of the movie like that.

 

After the movie, Peter says to her something about a surprise. He gets up off the couch and opens a drawer in the kitchen. “I hid it in here because you’ve never opened this the whole time you’ve been here. And, you might get mad,” he pulls out two yellow envelopes and starts walking over to her, “But, May only told me about these this morning.”

 

He hands her one of the envelopes. It’s her Columbia acceptance letter. They both applied there, and not because they actively chose colleges to be close to one another, but because it was in both of their top ten. The weird thing is most of their top ten schools were the same, so the chance of getting into the same school was high. However, she never actually thought they would go to school together next year. Not until now.

 

Michelle prays quickly that they both got in. “On three?” she asks as she plays with the corner of the envelope.

 

Peter nods. “One… two… three.”

 

They both quickly rip into it. Michelle cleanly opens it undamaged, but _Peter_ just ripped the top off to get the letter in his hand quicker. She smiles to herself, because he’s such a dork, and her nerves grow because Peter is _her_ dork, and she doesn’t want to part with him. Then, Michelle takes out her letter, and doesn’t read past the first line.

 

“I got in,” Michelle says, her smile taking over her whole face. She looks up to Peter, who looks stoic. Her palms begin to sweat. “Peter?”

 

He glances up, and begins to laugh. “Me too.”

 

“You asshole!” she screams, and pushes him back when he tries to kiss her. “I thought you didn’t get in.”

 

“Can you not live without me, M?” Peter teases her, and his nose brushes against her’s. She pushes him back again.

 

Michelle flips him off. “Who even knows if I’m going to accept? If I’m accepted into Harvard…”

 

“Come on, I’m kidding.” Peter takes Michelle’s hand and rubs it with his thumb. He tilts his head, and with stars in his eyes, he dreamily says, “You know it’s me who can’t live without you. I’ll follow you anywhere.” And she knows he’s telling the truth, and it worries her. Michelle would give Peter the world if she could, but she can’t. She wants so much for him.

 

“I guess Columbia is fine.” Michelle moves a piece of hair on Peter’s face and then, with her hand on his neck, brings his face close to her’s. “I love you,” she tells him for the second time tonight before finally kissing him.

 

They put on another movie, but it’s just background noise. Peter plans out their future, where they’re going to live together off campus and when they graduate they’re going to get a dog and etcetera, and Michelle couldn't help but smile the whole time. She’s never been happier.

 

Maybe they stay together. Maybe they get married, and have a few kids that they both love with their whole heart, and they are both successful in their careers. But, maybe Peter goes out one night to stop a robbery and he never comes back. Maybe they have a horrible break-up and then Michelle has no one. There are so many things that could happen in the future that it makes Michelle want to go numb.

 

Right now, though, they’re still in high school. They’re in an apartment in Queens that’s more of a home than any house can be, and after a year, Michelle Jones has finally allowed herself to be in love with Peter Parker. She hates that she didn’t let herself do it before, but before doesn’t matter. The future doesn’t matter. Right now is what she cares about. And right now, all she wants to do is kiss the boy she loves.


End file.
